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About My Journey, Purpose, Spiritual Training and Ministry

With Christ My Savior





My heart grieves when I see so many out there not knowing what it means to give up of themselves to Him so that they may have life. It has not been an easy journey and the more you advance with Him, the more He asks of you and the more you realize you know nothing because He keeps emptying you so that you can take in, more of Him.

It is so painful when I go around the Church or on Social Media and I am finding people who have not even gone forward to know what it means to have the eyes of their heart opened yet (Ephesians 1:18) or even know what Paul meant when he said: “until Christ is formed in you”(Galatians 4:19). Yet, they tag their names with titles like Pastors, Apostles, Prophets, and a whole slew of titles out there. Personally, I wish I could not see through the eyes of the Spirit that they are not what they claim to be. Sometimes, I hate it with a passion that their location in the world do not matter and that I can see what He wants me to see.

Contrary to what people might think, it is not an easy thing to live with the awareness of the ignorance, folly and darkness that plague Christianity. I begged God to take it away (this gift to see through the eyes of the Spirit) and give it to my Pastor. At one point because I felt it could be useful to God to give it to someone whit power and intellect. But, the answer was NO and at one point I got rebuked by the spirit to stop praying like that.

Being aware of the lack of spirituality out there, which means “these professors of the faith don’t have life” is painful and I could do without knowing about it. For instance, about a month ago, He showed me a pastor on Facebook whom He said to me “I did not make her a pastor”. Then, He told me that I need to pray for her because she is a narcissist. What makes it worse is that the people around her just plainly love her.  She is so blind that God used someone to send her a text on Facebook which she did not like, she used the word of God to rebuke this person and teach her a lesson. But the sad part is that she was totally clueless that the post was meant to have her look inside of herself.


My point is, this is my lot as I walk with God, and it is heavy. The reason such life is heavy is because your pain is first and foremost, for God, because His Honor and Majesty are being trampled on. Then you have another pain for the blindness of the person.

Why am I telling you that? I am trying to show you how easy it is to be blind and ignorant while we go glibly with our lives like the little red riding hood who had no awareness of the big bad wolf. The only way to avoid such plague in our lives is to learn to make a FULL SURRENDER. The full surrender is what activates our spiritual life in Him. It unlocks heaven’s to bring us to the heart of the Father. It is our answer to the invitation to take our cross and follow.

If I had my way, I would get everyone that I see in all the Churches, and on every Social Media platform to learn what it means to live a life of self denial, hence why I keep promoting this book of self denial from Richard Baxter.  While I surrendered fully few years ago because I heard a voice asking me to do so after I complaint to God that He was unjust. I tell you if I had this little book from Richard Baxter back in early 2000, it would have made a world of a difference because I had no idea what full surrender to God meant and no one around me knew it either. In fact, I was ridiculed by people in the leadership in the Church who thought they were holier than thou. Some could not understand why a MORON like me would hear God asking me to surrender. But, through my surrender, I :

  • Learned to give Him my all according to His definition of it
  • I learned that discipleship is just an extension of Salvation and should not be separated from it. Because if indeed I have salvation in my heart, the next step will naturally be to follow Him.
  • I found out as I follow, I became fearless in Him because I had a life hidden in Christ.
  • I found out there was such thing as a work of regeneration, I was cleansed set apart for Him and was told that I was now holy. (this one was really hard to accept because we lost the art of holiness in the Church and most of us have no idea what it means) Who knew it was just the beginning of the Christian life where I learn to live in Canaan so that He can now create His own Masterpiece, meaning replicate the life of Christ in us?
  • I found out what it means to live a righteous life
  • I found out that I can possess the mind of Christ
  • I found out I can possess a heart truly devoted to Him
  • I found out I no longer have a divided mind and will
  • I learned to meditate on the word of God. ( that one was such a bonus to learn from Him because one of the perks of possessing the mind of Christ is that your brain does not get to shut down while you take care of your own business in this life. The constant awareness of Him is always with you and doing His will is your bread and butter.
  • I learned what it means to be so complete and so whole in Him I am no longer a fragmented or compartmentalized individual.
  • I learned what it means to live in His presence continually with an awareness of my communion with Him so much so that I miss it right away when I sin. Although He is still there, but I have to be cleansed once more to renew this “out of this world union” we have together.
  • I learned to love Him not with the human love but with His Agape love which He exchanged for me so that I can understand what it means to love Him with every fiber of my being.
  • I learned the joy of self-denial so much that I cannot live without it because of the pleasure it brings to the Father’s heart
  • I learned to walk and live in spirit
  • I learned to go to Him to have my attitude and disposition changed by Him so that I can go forward with Christ’ own attitude and disposition toward the Father. There, obedience unto death also takes different meaning in your life.
  • I know what it means to live humbly before Him to the point where I pray day in day out to never let me get out of His hands because a humble heart is soooooo pleasing to Him. And no, it is not the kind of humility we create on our own. It is one that He teaches you through humbling you constantly while keeping you in the awareness of your nothingness.
  • I found out what it means to sit before Him (in spirit of course) so much so that His face is imprinted in yours.

I could go on and on explaining the beauty of the treasure of a life lived in Him. But, my walk has changed from a surrendered life, to being a follower of God. Then again, He changed it to a place where I was no longer a follower, but I became aware what I was living out was the indwelling life. Then a bit more than seven years after I became aware that I was no longer a follower of Jesus Christ, but indwelt by Him, this year. Although, it has been the most devastated year of my life where I lost my son to brain cancer, I learned that I am now living a life where I am completely “out of my depth with Him and in Him. This means, you find another meaning to “deep calls unto deep” where your soul cries abba Father in a whole different level of sweetness of the doctrine of sonship and heir.

God is like that. The more you want to go forward with Him, the deeper He will take you in Him. Now, I found myself living a life where He told me through the death of my son, that my path is now all about going forward to claim the “abundant life in full” and to walk like Enoch did. Imagine my surprise when I found out all that I explained above still have not reached the level of the abundant life IN FULL. Read John 10:10 again, The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. There are three categories in this one Bible verse. Those who cannot go forward to have life, allow Satan to rob them while they live a life of illusion. Then there are those who have gone to Him to have the regular abundant life and they are good in His eyes. But, if we could walk toward what He calls “FULL”, that would make Him even more delighted.

Well, finding the heart of God the Father, is in reality the ESSENSE of the Gospel and it is why the Gospel is called “GOOD NEWS

The truth is, you and I don’t have to know what someone means when they are babbling about the deeper life that true salvation brings. What we need to learn to do is to “go to Him”. Before I made a full surrender to Him which my mentor felt was foolish, I did not know that John 5:40 was for us Christians. “yet you refuse to come to me to have life”. What is worse is that the Church teaches us that it is for unbelievers. When the Spirit of God taught me, I realized it was easy to see the difference, yet, I did not get it before He showed me. The Pharisees were in the word of God daily and most of them knew it by heart. Yet, they did not come to have life in Him. “THIS IS US TODAY’S CHRISTIANS”.

Another thing that the Spirit of God taught me is how good it feels to live in our own understanding, our own intellect, our own self-will and self generated religious life. In fact, it is so good that when the spirit of God shows it to you, you won’t want to let it go. The flesh has such hold on us and it is so powerful that it can fool us all our Christian life on this earth. Ignorance and blindness are so deep they cover our whole life and our environment. I don’t know if you can imagine a day where there is so much fog and mist outside that you cannot see even the front of your feet and you have no idea what is in front of you while you walk on the sidewalk or drive on the street. The problem we have is that we have no idea there is such darkness and ignorance in our way of living unless we go to Him. Only then we can SEE.

We glibly stand in our false foundation which we call the Christian life. We are clueless of the fact that even though Salvation is complete and lacking nothing,  but the word of God teaches us that “what God has imputed in us, all the deposits we have received through salvation, MUST BE IMPARTED.” We love the idea that our salvation is complete, through grace and we are in need of nothing else. But we don’t want to go to Him to have Him impart it. The impartation process is what hurts so much inwardly. The impartation process is the work of our salvation. The impartation process is what causes us to grow spiritually, to get to know Him, to learn to flip our salvation and make it about Him instead of us. Even saying that “it is not about me”, God had to teach me that it is not just saying it while I keep an eye out for myself, but it is about making it all about Him, His plan, His purpose, His need to work in my life as He “will” me to act. (Philippians 2:13) When our salvation is flipped topsy turvy, we no longer keep yapping about God’s love for us. We stop taking Him for granted and hold Him hostage to His promises to us just because He loves us. Making it about Him becomes suddenly about “US LOVING GOD” and being RIGHT WITH HIM.

I am going to stop here because I could go on and on about Him and the bottomless treasure chest, I found in Him. But I will let you go with knowing that this life has not been easy for me either. There is pain in the offering. I know what it means to lose it all, money, house, job, and every single penny I had. I learned what it means to become homeless and live at the mercy of stranger who God used and still using, to humiliate me and keep me humble.

Here I am, when I became a Christian, I refrained from having sex which I gave up in December 1999 more than a year after I became a Christian. (yes, for the first few months I did not give it up 😊) then I got busy in my Church until around the end of 2003 when He asked me to surrender to Him. I was thinking, once I get my life in order with Him, then it would be time to look for someone to spend my life with.  Little did I know, He had another plan for me. Well, 2005 I lost my job so it was not time to start looking for someone. By 2007 the wilderness was raging in my soul and I was under His mighty hands (1 Peter 5:6). To my surprise while in the thralls of the pain we find in the wilderness, He told me that I was to live by myself, completely devoted to Him with no sexual activities either. Trust me when you are that young with all your sexual faculties intact, this is not what you want to hear from Him. So, fast forward this year I have been a Christian for about twenty-two years, I lost my son, and it has been exactly fifteen years since He took me to this path that I am on and I have no idea what the next step is,  except what is expected from me. And since I cannot take a step without Him, so, I am still in the waiting process. Sometimes, it sucks to be me, but God asked me to do it all over again, I would do it without one moment of hesitation.

So, please get this book from Richard Baxter so you can learn about self-denial. The blessings of a deep relationship with Him, is worth the pain. I invite you to go to Him so that you might have life, in abundance too.


CONTACT ME AT or GET THE KINDLE HERE and if you are not happy your purchase, contact me and I WILL REIMBURSE YOUR  $0.99 cts


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