My religion was everything to me when I was a kid. As a child, I was a Roman Catholic. Because it was drilled into me throughout my childhood that being a Roman Catholic was the very religion that was passed down to us by Christ. Everything else was false. My father would wake us early in the morning to attend church. We attended mass every Sunday. I loved that. We’d go to this dark building with all those exotic smells, bells, and gold cups. I learned the hymns and celebrated the holidays. When I was not singing with the choir, like everyone else, I would go through the motion. but, I was happy with it. I remember learning about God, but I never thought His presence was attainable. 

In my teens, I became disillusioned. After a while, I didn’t want to be associated with Christianity anymore.

I hated Christianity, but I couldn’t imagine life without being part of something more powerful than myself. Things got worse in my early thirties. With two young children, being in an abusive marriage, having an absentee spouse, and the loneliness that came along with all of that, I had no desire to be associated with Christianity anymore.

So, God was traveling north, and I was traveling south, so we wouldn’t meet. I was so confident and so firm in my beliefs regarding Christianity and the morons (this was my favorite word to describe them) that are a part of this group. There was no one in this world who could change my opinion about Christianity, and nothing in this life has ever disgusted me more than Christianity.

Let me explain. In my teen years, I met my brother-in-law. He was the first protestant in our lives. But he was such a dark soul. Really a rotten human being. Even after decades of knowing him, he has not changed. He has enough Christianity to make him a miserable person who is always looking for disciples to make him feel like a god. However, that’s a story for another day. On several occasions, protestants offered me Christ. I always felt that these Christians didn’t have what they were offering me, which was “Christ inside them”. It makes no sense once you think about it. So, I wondered how I could see through them. But this only made me resist them more.

I have been a Christian for about twenty years. However, it was only fifteen years ago that God began dealing with me. In describing God’s dealings with me, I refer to the life described in the book “ABANDONMENT TO DIVINE PROVIDENCE.”. Nothing in that book is foreign to me. I lived this whole book in the wilderness with God within three years.

The key to a heart on fire with God is GRATITUDE. In this case I am not discussing people’s version of the word, where they sell you on the concept of gratitude, yet are not prepared to risk their lives for the sake of the Gospel of Christ, the Kingdom of God, His purposes, and God’s glory.

You are missing out on an experience that I view as being out of this world if your heart has never been inundated with gratitude for what Christ has done for you on the cross to the point where you can literally see yourself moving forward toward Him just because you desire to be closer to Him. Although your spiritual eyes can see that trials and adversity are all around you, nothing can stop you from drawing closer to Him. It also means you don’t know what “godly gratitude” really means. There’s no way I could muster that much gratitude on my own. This kind of gratitude in the heart comes when you experience divine repentance.

My life changed when God filled my heart with gratitude for my salvation through Christ’s work on the cross. But I’m grateful not just for my salvation, but for being chosen and loved by Him. Thing about it. There are billions of people out there who won’t have the privilege of having their hearts opened by Him. As soon as you realize what He’s done for you, you realize how big this is. His love is so big that you’ll never be able to repay Him, even if you give everything you own in this life and the next.

Since then, I have been living out a love affair with my savior and redeemer. He has captured my heart.