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'Mongst kings and priest and peasant.

'T were better that Baby

'Tis lucky that he so is planned

'Tis my excuse that you were fiddling first."

'Tis nine-tenths lying. Faith
I wish 'twere known

'Tis not so long since you were in a riot

'Tis plain as day to you:

'Tis plain your have no standing here."

'Tis said by divers of the scholar-men

'tis spoken

'Tis the answer to What? and How? and Why?

'Tis the voice of the hopeful

'Tis true you take them in whene'er you sleep.

'Tis writ on this"—and with a wink

'Twas a pair of boots that the lady bought

'Twas about an old man and the ass he bestrode

'Twas all he had

'Twas all they wanted to hear
and each

'Twas finally agreed to grant

'Twas frequently remarked: "I swon!

'Twas pallid
for 'twas clean.

'Twas rumored Leonard Wood had signed

'Twas the most amazing thing they'd heard—

'Twas true enough to tell.

'Twere easy to do.

'Twere too expensive to have more.

'Twere well some clever scheme were laid

'Twere wise to retreat from the wars of finance

'Twould please the king. That monarch swore

(Albeit vainly) to refuse


(For Cupid ruled ere Adam was invented)

(For the busted man is him)

(High barometer maketh glad.)

(I wish it were pledged to endowment of me)

(I write of him with little glee)

(Maintained for Juno's favor) fled

they said

(O the walking is nasty bad!)

(That is the way that they preferred

he finally died.)

(With feathers backed and breasted)

(With precious stones 'twas weighted)


A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

A bird in the hand is worth what it will bring.

A blackened

A bounty on each soul that fell

A brightness was in all the air

A busy man complained one day:

A certain firmness—mostly you're [sic] backbone.

A checking gesture and displayed

A Christian philosopher. I'm

A citizen who would not vote

A crimson cravat
a far-away look

a crowd of wretched souls

A cube of cheese no larger than a die

A denarius (the Latin nickel)

A deviled human kidney! Well

A dispute once unhappily arose among the members of this sect as

A draft miraculous

A fire-alarm to those who lived in sin.

A fool could baffle or a rogue withstand!

A genial chill affected Altgeld's hide

A gentleman is gentle and a gent genteel.

A gift from Heaven signifying
This is my beloved son, in

A gilded impostor is he.

A graceful hog would bear his company.

A gray old professor of Latin came by

A home on the rolling deep

A hunter from Kew caught a distant view

A husband like a spud
or with a shot

A king
in times long

A king there was who lost an eye

A King who carries something else than fat

A knowledge—you of all beside."

A lady with one of her ears applied

A leaf was riven from a tree

A leech consoled the weepers:

a lie in comparison. But your heavenly Majesty's sunny and

A life on the ocean wave

A look as sorrowful as the grave

A lovelorn maiden she sat and sang—

A luckless wight's reluctant frame

A man is known by the company that he organizes.

A man of birth and breeding."

A man who to all things under the sky

A mendicant

A moment later he was dead

A monarch by right divine

A monk of St. Benedict croaking a text.

A new-born self-sufficiency and think himself a [mockery.]

A parent who throve by the practice of Draw.

A penny saved is a penny to squander.

A President not strenuously bent

A rite permitting Satan to enslave him

A Roman slave appeared one day

A rustic standing near
I said:

A sally from our ambuscade

A savage beast which
when it sleeps

A scurril agnostical chap
if you please

A secret and personal Hell!

A sentiment as novel

A shrunken globe
a rattling shell

A silent man
with brow concealed

A simpler plan for saving man

A single swallow
it is said

A sinner through and through
he had

A spelling reformer indicted

A staff in his hand and a scowl in his eye

A state in which

A study of mankind
who say that men

A tall
spare figure in a robe of white

A tax
the augmented revenue

A time when it will have effect.

A tithe of all that we collect

A tittle of the Sacred Tax

A toy which people cry for

A transient

A trickle of text

A true renunciation

A whisker that looked like a blasted career.

A winner of all that is good in a race.

A woman absent is a woman dead.

Abandoning his secret plan—

About a church-door for a look at the bride

About a new-made grave
and then



Acknowledging he had them in

acquired in a former state of seclusion
but naturalists of the

Across Mount Carmel he took his way


it will probably be destroyed by fire I will have

Addicted too much to the crime

Administered—his pills so efficacious

Adopt his own opinions
one by one

Advance then gently all you wish to prove

advancing to the throne laid it humbly at the Mikado's feet.


when figs are grown on thistles

Against his competition; so

Against my enemy no other blade.

Against such competition I


Peace Universal; they woo it—

the Divinity shaping his end

things ain't what we should see

Alas! we cannot know if this is true

All else is immaterial to me.

All eyes were now turned on the executioner
who had grown as

All frosted there in the shine o' the moon—

All hail
Delusion! Were it not for thee

All manner of questions
knotty and queer

All of our gray garrotes of gold;

All progress slow

All rascals may at will invade:

All roads
howsoe'er they diverge

All save one who spake never a word

All souls of women were in that sack—

All swoln and ulcerous
pitiful to the eye

All that he had of wisdom and of wit.

All the place where he had fell.

All things are either sacred or profane.

All unconcerned John met the frown

All-Father Folly! be it mine to raise

Allah's good laws I faithfully have kept

Altgeld upon his incandescent bed

Although 'twas herself that was married.

Although in truth there's neither bone nor skin to it)

the populace that rites attend

Ambitious fool! so mad to be a show!

American comestible.

American variety (felis pugnans)
is omnivorous and can be

Among the angels any way but teaming it

Among them
cupidity caused him to urge

Among themselves apportion Heaven

An anar c

An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man
and having a

An argument well fitted

An armed or unarmed tortoise in the back;

An earnest logomachy
bitter as gall

An earthquake trifled with the eye

An immortal part of speech!

An impediment in his reach.

An infinite number of things.

An offering burnt with an unholy flame.

An Oyster fried was understood

An undiscredited
unhooted gent

Anacreon and Khayyam;

Ancestral voices prophesying war.

inly edified to learn that two

for he's boiled a brilliant red

falling on the unholy beast

like a snake that's fastened to the ground

to dissuade from sin

moved by the spirit


spread the paper down

And 'ite
an 'ie

And "railway magnates" jeered his low condition.

And "Take your time" the word
in Church and State.

And a head of hexameter hair.

And a muscle fair to see!

And a recollection that came too late.

And a tender
melancholy grace.

And add you to the woes of other souls.

And all are worthy

And all with a single voice averred

And amiable and sunny.

And as he legs it through the skies

And astonished Mr. Twiddle

And begging for the favor of a kick?

And blushingly said to him:

And bounds when it arises.

And by matching their agues tertian.

And catalogued each garment in a book.

And common
base-born varlet."

And covered half their peepers.

And Death has never recovered his horse.

And Death replied

And despise to wear a laurel

And disputations dire that lamed their limbs)

And drags his sophistry to light of day;

And dulling their edge till the delicate sense

And ever for the sins of man have wept;

And every kind of vine-pest!

And everything is now arranged

And everything was pleasant

And explained his wicked past:

And fain would have his blessing." "Sad your fate—

And finds at last he might as well have paid it.

And frequent impalement their pleasure impair.

And gestures violent you quell

And give her Hell.

And gives us every moment a fresh fool.

And grateful travelers bewailed their guide.

And has for compensation

And having each a pleasant sense

And he had a head
the phrenologists said

And he painful come to earth

And he said as he flew: "It is well I withdrew

And he said: "I'll pursue
and my hands imbrue

And he to his new holding anchored fast!

And he's running—I know by the smell—

And hear your own.

And held it more strongly the older he grew.

And Hell's no latitude for making mirth

and his breath came in gasps of terror.

And his eyes uncommonly bright.

And his low-necked shoes were aduncous and flat.

And his members was bestrewin'

And his neck close-reefed before him

And his power is fiddle-dee-dee.

And his sepulchre shall not be whicted."

And his twistings are greatly admired.

And hollers: "Peanuts!—here you are!"

And honest wolves who think upon't with loathing

And I cannot dispute
or, By the way

And I haven't been reared in a way

And I saw the Chief Forecaster
dead as any one can be—

And I says

And I thought
as I looked at his vanishing ray

And I thought of a joke (and I laughed till I cried)

And I was furder tolde yt ye worde "Ghogo" sygnifyeth in yr

And I'm down upon him or her!

And if allowed

And if that fit observance e'er I shut

And if too weak
I'll hire

And impressive
up and spoke:

And in their lives
as well

And in your eagerness to please the rich

And it shot him up right gallant

And its contents calculated.

And its diaphragmic rhythmus

And keep their own in shape to pay;

And leapt into the light!

And learning the cause of their quarrel (for still

And leave him swinging wide and free.

And leave untenanted the earth

And left her a remain.

And lexicographers arose
a swarm!

And many a feller which had ought

And marks his appetite's abuse.

And means the damning
with bell

And men—they honored so the dame—

And Mercury conveyed them in a jar

And Mercy knelt a-weeping.

And mine the deadly tongue

And my body in the ground.

And mysteries
and mummeries

And never to roast on it—me!"

And no sign of contrition envices;

And nurse my valor for another foe.

And on the seventh holystone the deck and scrape the cable.

And on their knees apply for

And one in white
together drew

And only came by accident to grief—

And parliaments as well

And pick with care the disobedient wire.

And proceeded to say

And prove your views intelligent and just.

And pukes of disposition so vivacious

And quench that wicked person's light.

And ready to be put upon the ice.

And resolutely thump and whack us?

And ruined is his royal monument

And sacked himself strangely in checks instead;

And said it was a god's name! Straight arose

And said: "Go away
for we settle here

And said: "He hadn't very far to fall."

And said: "Ye didn't know him."

And Satan bows
with hand upon his heart.

And say: "How little wisdom here we trace!

And scan the list
and say without compassion:

And scrutinized him limb from limb—

And sell their garments to support the priests.

And shake the lightnings from your eyes;

And she
the light of his harem if so might be

And sing hosannas to great Havemeyer!

And so in due course was appointed Prior.

And so they batter in the door

And sometimes kneeling in the temple I

And spreads a holy and profound

And statesmen
aping me

And steered it within the pale

And stilly voices

And straight his courtiers all did try

And straightway in among them stalked

And swear that workmanship so bad

And take some special measure for redeeming it;

And Tambourine was Bones.

And tap them with my sticker.

And tapeworms securely their bowels digest;

And taunt him to refute them; in his wrath

And that gentle child explained as he smiled:

And the books of the sages have perished

And the facts contradict him to his face.

And the feller didn't fall.

And the long fatigue of the needless hike.

And the mourners' intentions foiled

And the salesman laced them tight

And the truth of it I aver:

And then in death he fell asleep

And then Ithuriel touched me

And then the slave proceeded: "Please

And then the various forms He cast

And there are hens
professing to have made

And there deliriously fed

And there's—

And those aspersed

And to the nobler object turned aside.

and to this end compulsion is a proper means. Forasmuch as my

And toll her knell.

And took
as a means of augmenting his pelf

And tranquiler grow each minute

and treasonous head."

And tuck out the belly that clung to his back.

And two Possible Puns
moon-eyed and wan

And unfamiliar foreslope to the West

And universal arbiter; endowed

And Vierick thinks he tops his class

And voids from its unstored abysm

And wants to sin—don't let him.

And was a sovereign Southern State.

And we cannot have
when the speaker demands

And wealthy malefactors weep anew—

And when the quick have run away like pellets

And when the sovereign people cast

And when you heard a bit of news

And Whence? and Whither?—a word whereby

And where it stops the stars burn free and wild.

And wherever he goes

And with a swift

And with levity flock to the scene of the shame.

And wore out his knees in the worship of Mammon.

And yet I entertain the hope that you

And your dear subjects showed a will to fly at

And youthful grace and pretty face

and-gold that their masters would hardly have known them.

Another denarius to view

Appeared before the throne to pray

Appeared to be scanning the Sweet Bye-and-Bye.

Appears to transcend

approval of those whom they are intended to restrain.

Are cooled and killed

Are execrably underdone.

Are good
but you lack enterprise

Are ordered
and observed the throw;

Are saints
began at once to bawl

Are virtues that the great know how to use—

pent in an aquarium

governing down here

As a castor on a chalice.

As Death was a-riding out one day

As fast as he was able.

As flashes of the sun illume

As hard as he could draw.

As he crossed his feet on the mantel-shelf:

As he drew the lace she made a grimace

As he stroked her toes

As I said

As if deaf and dumb

As if there were nothing in it.

as it shall suite his moode
withouten offence.

As Silas Wood was widely known.

As soon as no more of it she could hear

As sovereigns are anointed by the priesthood

As sweet as a rose is

As the fountain
the gug-guggle

As the lean leech
its victim found

As the sparrow
the chipchip

As they clumsily sparred they disputed with skill

As to your feet
they'd make an angel weep.

As was gotten by deceit.

ascertaining if they are not already acquainted as enemies; and

ashamed of.

Assents by eternally voting 'I'."

Assertion as plain as a peg;

At a burial service spoiled

At manhood's noonmark! Now
in God His name

At such an imposition. Do."

At the organ with skill and grace."

At thy command eschewing pleasure's cup

At what our friend has told?" He raised

At work upon a book
and so read out of it

Attained and found to be a hole!

and a half-hour later the culprit stood in the

Attests to the gods its respect for the dead.

Attests your fame;

Atwixt ye's no difference worthy of blows.

Aug. 3d
1842. Made a joke on the ex-Isle of Erin. Coldly

Avenging the friend whom I couldn't work in.

avoid the follies that beset his course
but only to apprehend

Back to Brazil to end your days in quiet?

Back to the slave the Augur went:

and can have only retrospection

Bare-armed—his gleaming axe revealed!

based. If I could not afford that
how could you if it were

Be thin in your thought and your body'll be fat;

Bear not false witness—that is low—

Bearing a sack and a bow-string too

beasts of prey
infesting all habitable parts of the globe

Beauty in women and distinction in men are alike in this:


Because he is the greatest ass.

because in flourishing the scimitar I had accidentally passed it

Because they're bound and you are free

Befitting his calling: "Madam
I trust

Before he'd time to stop and fly

Before the Augur. "Tell me

Before the end is near?

Began as Lord Splurge his recouping career.

Begin to excavate its brink!

Behold in me a man of mark and note

Being commanded
Jijiji Ri laid hold of his nose and trumpeted

Believe whate'er they cannot comprehend

Ben Lomond is calling his son from the fray—

in Sabbath garments fitly clad

Beneath his hand the leg-long "interview."

Beneath my nose the public press

Beneath the great oak tree.

Beside a lonely grave I stood—

the truth compels me to say

Better late than before anybody has invited you.

Bewildered by the multitude of roads

Beyond the Jordan's flood


Born later
when Clio

Brave Knights Kennelers then shall be

Bread for the needy
dear father?

Bring cates and wines for sacrificial feasts

Bring down a debtor doubled in a knot

Build deep
build high


But "Abracadabra

But "hear 'tis rumored so and so."

But a roast is "nuts" to his nostril thin

But duty prevailed
and he took the king's bread

But ere he could throw it across his back

But for trifles—

But found no heeding ear;

But go to see the teams play ball.

But he called it Scarabee.

But he seemed to thrive

But heed the warning words the sage hath said:

But his wisdom is sacredly cherished.

But I thought it uncommonly queer

But lest the people censure me

But M is for Moses

But men said: "Get out!" and the State remarked: "Scat!"

But now the time demands
at last

But O ye wofull plyght in wh.

But sat as mum

But since 'twere wicked to relax

But Slander's tongue—itself all coated—uttered

But takes himself away by leaps

But that beast did ensue and the hunter it threw

But the draught did not affect her.

But the fascinated crowd

But thought he had slipped on a peal of thunder!

But to our modern married fair

But vital point. Thy judgment
when allowed

But when the Devil came and saw

But when upon the tomb 'twas wrought

But when we hear thee buzzing like a bee

But whether the plan of immersion

But why
O why

But woman's body is the woman. O

But yesterday I should have thought me blest

By "land in severalty" (charming term!)

By Abracadabra we signify

By acclamation. Cheer
ye varlets

By and by my body'll rise

By chairs acrobatic and wavering floors—

By even touches grew and small

By experts and accountants who

By flight of birds
I must confess

By guard unparried as by flight unstayed

By his example fired—inclined

By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint!"

By hook or crook
or somehow

By means of the Mummy

By misdemeanors he essays to climb

By patriots invested.

By proof that even himself was not a slave

By shouldering asunder all the stones

By sins of rope and torch and stake.

By slouching in and chasing Adam out.

By some mysterious
calm spell—

By spark and flame
the thought reveal

By the body erecting

By the chirurgeon
settles the debate.

By the ear.

By the elevator

By the neck and the foot

By the road were dim and blended and blue

By what draws his laughter

By what right

By winning
or even beginning

By you this poll-tax to evade.

caitiff belong?" asked the Mikado.

Can we exist on t'other nine?"

Carelessly caroled the golden youth.



Carnegie the dauntless has uttered his call

Caught the Whangdepootenawah!

Caught the Whangdepootenawah!


clients than you pay to them
do you not?

Col. Bryan had the talent

Cold pie is a detestable

Cold pie was highly esteemed by the remains.

command esteem. Deign to accept its expression from a

commemorated by his family
who shared them.

Compels me to economize—

Concerning new inventions.

Concerning poor Adam and what made him fall.

Condemned eternally. Ah

condemned minister
all that you say is so true that the truth is

Confirming the decree of Fate.

Conforming to the whole amount

Confronting in your chair the crowd


he did speak up;

Consigned by way of admonition


constables. Generally speaking

Constreynet for to doodge betwene.

Content? Well
his grill has a plating of gold

and Jones's house

for it is given to him to goe downe eyther way and act

Could ne'er persuade so sweetly to agree

Could urge me out of night.

court by some private person—does it not cause great


Covet thou naught that thou hast not

cows fly over
delivering milk at every door

created equal; that they are endowed by their Creator with certain


Crede expertum—I have seen them

Cried out his friend
a lazy quiz;

Cried: "I've decided to fall straight."

Cried: "Sirrahs! this reasonless warfare compose:

Cries Pluto
'twixt his snores: "O tempora! O mores!"

Cry out in holy chorus

Crying for Wisdom's holy light.

pipe in mouth

Dead and damned and shut in Hades as a liar from his birth

Dead for a Scarabee

Dead for a Scarabee!

Dear Frank
that scrap-book where you boast

Dear patriots
but he has never run."

Death laughed again
as a tomb might laugh

Death-blow. Pardon such behavior.

decapitation Jijiji Ri
a high officer of the Court. Soon after

Decide by the Authorized Version

Declare you
each and every one

Decreed he should fall of his own accord."

Deep disquisitions on them all

Deep lines of thought were seen to plow

Degrees advanced

Deign to take homage from thy son who hunts

Delicious Hope! when naught to man is left—

Denuded his chin
but retained at each ear

deny the virtue and declare that such as creation's dawn beheld

Denying his nose to the use of his A's


Deserving Object.

Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell

Despite the town's entreaties

Dick Watson Gilder
gravest of us all.

Did the controversial Roman

directly to the Supreme Court in order that it may at once be

Discharging the first censorious stone.

Disease for the apothecary's health

and there confessed her.

Disparting me from Certitude
and fain

Dispatched him with a pick and spade."

Displayed a sign among the stuff and stumps—

Displayed her broad disk to the darkening west

disposition and by the help of Heaven
I do myself refrain."

contend and lie for

Distil him for physic and grind him for paint

Distinctions Nature never drew

Disturbed be their dreams by the awful discourse

Do his thinking in prose and wear

Do your policemen also have to approve the local ordinances

Does the sandhill crane
the shankank

Don't play your game on any thing

Don't steal; thou'lt never thus compete

Done to a turn on the iron

Done with the work of breathing; done

Down died the winds; the leaf

Down upon the middle

Drew it into the landing place

Due to the genesis and growth of Soul.

Dumble said to Mumble: "Truly

Dumble was an ignoramus

Each dropped one eyelid when before

Each has his weakness
and though my own

Each honorable station.

Each man had out a souvenir

Each morning and varnished it all that he knew.

Each proposition prefaced with
As you've

Each reckons greatness to consist

Each sacred peacock and its mate

Each stupid line of which he knew before

Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the

Enjoyment of a common mug.

Enough collected (but no more

Enough is as good as a feast—for that matter

Enougher's as good as a feast for the platter.

Entertained other views and decided to send

Erased all entries of his own and cried:

losing my temper

Ere babes were invented

Ere either had proved his theology right

Ere we accept great Niebuhr as a guide

Eternally to die for.

Even Adam analyzed not his blunder

Ever and ever so long ago

every year. The supplying of these insects I take to be a signal

Example is better than following it.

Except (His clay gave out) the hearts.

Except for two impediments—his feet.

execute it at once.

be validated

executioner appeared with his bare scimitar

Exempted from the operation

Exhibit for money his poor
shrunken frame

like the rising of the dawn

Expound the law
manipulate the wires.

Expounds the passions burning in his breast.

face of the policy they would have bought. But suppose it to

Facilis descensus Averni

Faddle flummery

Fair Venus
speared by Diomed

Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl

Fantastic priests and postulants (with shows

Faster and faster and faster it flew

Father of Possibilities
O deign

favorite. I am come to pray for justice upon his own dishonorable

Feed upon the fiddle-

Feel bound to don the sheep's deceptive clothing.

Fell the flat of his dart on the rump

Fell—suffering Caesar!—in love with her dad!

complete in all their parts

Fernando Tapple

Fiercely the battle raged and
sad to tell

figured and symbolized; for whereas the crayfish doth move only

Fill up
fill up

Firmness and strength (you have a giant's thews)

First Person of the Hindoo Trinity

Flaunting the White Cross banner?

Fling back the critic's mud.

fly from the region of Wall Street away!

Fogging the field of controversial hate


Folly! although Erasmus praised thee once

sad to relate

smit with his Old World ways

For 'tis Politics intended

For a man 'twixt a king of finance and the sea

For a writer-man to cheat

For all are kings
however bare

For all to whom the power's given

For big ideas Heaven has little room

For dictionary makers are generally gents.

For eating apples out of season

For fudge was before the court cicted.

For Hell had been annexed of late

For her pains and throes

For him forever pleading

For his detrimented worth.

For his head was bald
and you'll understand

For his modesty's bump was so large a lump

For I read it in the rose-light of the everlasting glow:

For if he did
so great his greed

For injunction. "Denied

For it's been a fortnight broke."

For it's naught ye are ever doin'."

For life insurance lower rates.

For niggard Nature hoards her store)

For of the sinner I have noted

For our ears if so be

For our townsman Brown presided

For peace is a blessing
the White Man said.

For pleasure's highway
like the dames

For reading Milton's wit we perish too.

For reason shows that it could never be

For respecting the dead what's the limit of time?

For Robert Ingersoll to break.

For she helps to mate the expinses [sic]!"

For that performance 'twere unfair to scold her:

For the Bible declares—but never mind:

For the friar got hold of its tail

For the man o' your choice." He humbly bowed

For the spark that nature gave

For the well is metaphoric

For this of my creed is the soul and the gist

For thither they would always go

For thou thyself art dead
and damned as well—

For to show his dismal state

For us He has provided wrens and swallows."

For Vice
respectable with cleanly fancies

For visibly its surface twitched.

For while he exercised all his powers

and forbidding Christ to save him.

Forever as a stain upon a stone?

Forgetting that his lungs he's soiling

Forsook their jackets for the snug

Forswearing robbery and fain

as every schoolboy knows

Frequent oil your safety-clutch.

Fresh from the farm or factory or street

From age to age—

From all his subjects gold enough

From bad thoughts that beset him

From duty to the devil!

From elephants to bats and snails

From every part of earth anew

From his famous Pale Horse
with his spear;

From month to month until it ended.

From sage to sage

From the coals that he'd preferred to the advantages of truth.

From the great deeps of the spirit

From the land of the nobleman's natural prey.

From the unplummeted abysmus

From which we're wakened by a friendly nudge

Fry sinners brown and good in't."

if it paid you to devote

Give in the name of the Church. O give

Give that her holy sons may live!"

Gloom over the grave and then move on.

Glooming and gleaming as by turns he hit

Go back to your isle of perpetual brume

God made all else
the Mule

God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

God said: "Let Spirit perish into Form

God speed the day when this knighting fad

Gone to join Ananias in the regions of bliss."

Good-Lording and O-mying

Gooke's Meditations

Gorges and prospers like the leech

Got at a lynching yesteryear—

Got lost
lived long on migratory toads

heavenly Powers

Great co-Creator
let Thy glory shine:

Greenland's spicy mountains to India's moral strand. The popular

Grieves at his debt and studies to evade it


Gross organs first and finer last;

geographer of wide reknown

Had an audacious jester

Had been of all her servitors the chief

Had cherished secretly alone.

Had from the first divined) to clear

Had given me deathless fame!"

Had God a fist.

Had he but known a fig's reluctant leaf

Had hopes of coming by their own.

Had it been such as consecrates the Bible

Had smiled and said naught. O the body was fair to see


high Excess—especially in wine

holy Lead!—of human feuds the great


Hail noble fruit!—by Homer sung

Hail Satire! be thy praises ever sung

Half a loaf is better than a whole one if there is much else.

Half-hairs joined so and so (as Art can do)

Has much to do with it

Have been commissioned to go through

have long been executed
and then only when brought before the

Have mercy
O Heaven

Have passed since these events away.

Have reverently crossed my hands and slept.

Have stolen injudiciously.

Have sweeter values and a grace more fit

have your head struck off by the public executioner at three

He blow that interminous snout!"

He bragged of that beautiful bump

He can't hear nowt [sic] that's going."

He cannot bless you
for I grieve to state

He cast his eyes about him and above him; then he wrote

He could interpret without fail

He extracted from his quiver

He fell as fall the early good;

He fell by his own hand

He had called it so through an afternoon

He held at court a rank so high

He kneaded it to flexible clay

He knew Creation's origin and plan

He knew his face disclosed his mind and heart

He laughs best who laughs least.

He layde his hand on mine and sayd:

He lies most lightly who the least is pressed.

He lived in a period prehistoric

He loseth all the skin he hath

He painted his neck an incarnadine hue

He raised his eyes and with a look so stern

He robbed a bank to make himself respected.

He said
and kicked the fellow back to earth.

He said: "By Thine eternal law

He said: "My judgment I suspend."

He saw a ghost.

He saw a post.

He shut himself from the world away

He sleeps
like a saint in a holy place

He sleeps awaiting the Day

He smoked by night
he smoked by day

He sorrows sore to recognize

He sought the page infallible of Brewer

He spread small rags with liquid gum

He stood and pleaded unhabilimented.

He surely had seen nothing droll or fortuitous

He surely were as stubborn as a mule

He swore that all other religions were gammon

He thinks
admitted to an equal sty

He thought
poor man

He too is reeking rich—deducting you.

He tried to make her understand

He was a slave: at word he went and came;

He went away exclaiming: "O my Lord!"

He went away—as he had come—nonsuited.

He wildly brushed away
and then

He willed away his whole estate

He would even have done that

He wrote at Inspiration's call

He zedjagged so uncomen wyde

He'd draw but never let it go!

He'd draw his last with eager speed.

He'd slay them all for winking.

He'd traveled in a foreign land.

He'll have small freedom to fulfil

He'll sweep them pitilessly from his path.

He's costumed by a master hand!

He's dead

heard from afar

Hearst kept a diary wherein were writ

says Professor Tyndall

Heaven trembled as Compassion entered Hell.

Heed not the definitions your "Unabridged" presents

Her bilious mind and scandalously muttered

Her clamors swell.

Her fat with anger frying.

Her locks an ancient lady gave

Her loving husband's life to save;

Her rheumatism forgotten quite

Here at the break and close of day

Here Huntington's ashes long have lain

Here lie the bones of Parson Platt

Here's death to Prohibition's fools


Higher than can be right.

Him astride with his face to the rear.

Him who to be famous aspired.

Himself a liar
fibbed like any thief.

Himself an ass

Hinting a rumor of some ancient guilt.

His anger provoked him to take the king's head

His bad opponent's "facts" he sweeps away

His be the terror of a foe unseen

His beard was long and white

His belly?

His blazing breeches and high-towering cap—

His brains
renewed by night

His candle we'll snough

His Christian resignation.

His crown is brass

His dog died moaning in the wrath

His fire unquenched and his undying worm

His H's—'twas most inexpressibly sweet

His hat he lifted from his head;

His head was enroofed with a billycock hat

His iron collar cut him to the bone.

His learning and breeding;

His light estate
if neither he did make it

His lordship in horror
despair and dismay

His marching
in pursuit or in retreat

His money. And so I have pondered

His name the smirking tourist scrawls

His neat-fitting garments he wilfully shed

His neighbor's weak spot and his mouth applies

His open palm
which plainly itched

His pelt a sable hue

His point; but this I know—hot words bestowed

His pride securely in the Presidential chair.

His right to govern me is clear as day

His scared clay and
passing through

His scriptural specifics this physician

His skill to scratch the royal back."

His small belongings their appointed prey;

His soul forever to perdition.

His spirit a-squat in the grass and the dew

His tale he told with a solemn face

His the inutile hand upon the hilt

His understanding was so keen

His uninvited session on the throne
or air

His virtues were so conspicuous that his enemies
unable to

His ways
nor cause our hearts to ache

Honor thy parents. That creates

HOUSE OWNER: And virtually

HOUSE OWNER: Beg your pardon—by your own actuary's tables I

HOUSE OWNER: Heaven forbid!


HOUSE OWNER: I would not trust you with my money. Very well

HOUSE OWNER: Let us understand each other. You want me to pay

HOUSE OWNER: Spare me—there were Brown's house
on the

HOUSE OWNER: The willingness of A to take care of B's money is

HOUSE OWNER: With pleasure. Please make the annual premium so

if one-tenth we must resign

How can you be so rash?"

How lonely he who thinks to vex

How needless!—Nick will keep you off the coals

How one trotter proves ungracious

How profitless the labor you bestow

How they all are contumacious;

Howe'er acceptably he carries that;

Howe'er each hide the flying weapons blunts.

Howe'er your choice may chance to fall

However feebly be his arrows thrown

is cast into Baltimost!

Humanity's General Sense of Things.

Hunt hungry sinners to their final ditch?

I and my comrades
four in all

I bide my time
and it shall come at length

I can't afford an honest heat.

I chide aloud the little interspace

I climbed to the top of a mountain one day

I dream a tortoise upon every throne.

I dreamed I stood upon a hill

I felt the faint appulse of his

I had hearde moch talk; but sayynge yt I saw naught remarkabyll in

I have there the right to keep.

I hear her yell.

I hold that that's the stomach's function

I hold; and wish that it had been my lot

I knelt and prayed: "O Father

I know not why the world has changed

I know you well enough
my son

I love my fool—blaspheming clown

I mention these incidents merely to show

I never saw your face before!"

I only know that 'tis handed down.

I opine it isn't moral

I pity the dunces who don't understand

I see an Emperor his head withdraw

I seem to see them now—a mighty throng.

I shall not cease to fiddle while you burn."

I should answer
I should tell you:

I should answer
I should tell you

I sit astride Parnassus with my lyre

I touched the harp in every key

I will focus my attention

I wish in Eden you'd brought this about

I wish that they did not; yet
on the whole

I'd rather you were I than I were you.

I'll fetch the very hearts they need"—

I'll gladly bear their belly-tanks

I'll grab a fistful of the strings
and O

I'll help to kill the scoffer.

I'll leave you now while you confer

I'm a natural commodore!

I'm awkward at Redemption—a beginner:

I'm now y-pight: I have ye itche!

I'm passing with a wide and open ear!

I'm quite converted
for I can't get up.

I'm ruined
and my humble trade

I've long admired your punctual way—

Ideas—with thought and emotion.

If Age is such a boon
good land!

If Eve had let that apple be;

If he was in or out of jail.

If his talent is the kind.

If I were a jolly archbishop

If not thy glory yet thy power have shown

If only they knew how to do it

If so
then God

If that's an honor surely 'tis a greater

If to the task of honoring its smell

If wakened
stretch your limbs and yawn—

If you wear your hair long you needn't your hat.

If—" here the Augur

Ignores the Law as 't were a straw

illustrious savant
after having made several voyages around the

Imperiously pompous
grandly bold

Improbable 'twas
no doubt

In "ovum" we find the true root of the word.

In a cave on a mountain side.

In a meadow of commentary.

In a natural way

In a thick volume
and all authors known

In Abracadabra it solemnly rings

In acrimonious debate

In all the waters

in all those injurious enterprises from which
through a better

In an elevator-well

In ancient times there lived a king

In anything here but the lies that she threw at us.

In calling that a year

In contact
lo! the flint and steel

In controversy with the facile tongue—

In each human heart are a tiger
a pig

In energies more active. Rise

In faint and failing tones.

In generosity outdone

In hope their souls will chase it to the sky.

In its blood at a closer interview."

In learning

In manhood still he maintained that view

In Morgan's praise you smite the sounding wire

In number
as leaves of trees;

In passing thence along the river Zam

In sinful mood
insanely gay

In some excess of passion;

In speech ecclesiastical oft heard

In speech he eschewed his American ways

In state

In such a case he thought it right

In that elevator-well.

In that in which he heads the list

In the dead language of a mummy's tongue

In the down upon his bosom

In the earth we here prepare a

In the far region of the unforeknown

In the halls of legislative debate

In this small fish I take it that human wisdom is admirably

In tubs of liquid slippery-elm

In vain the sacrifice!—no god will claim

In vain—from his detaining pinch

In vain—he clamors for his "boss
pour soul,

In what to you would be a moment's span.

Inadequate aid in the practice of Draw

inalienable rights; that among these are life
and the right to

incalculable quantity of acquaintances; liberty
particularly the

Inform me whether Fate decrees

injustice may work ill to another
so by his injustice may evil be

Inspire your underlings
and fling

instance of the Creator's bounty in providing for the lives of His


INSURANCE AGENT: But if your house burns without insurance it

INSURANCE AGENT: Certainly; if we did not—

INSURANCE AGENT: I will not deny it—but look at the figures in

that is a fine house—pray let me

we should make ourselves whole from our

no—we could not afford to do that.


your house may burn down at any time.

INSURANCE AGENT: You spoke of saving the premiums which you would

insure it.


Intent on making his quotation truer

Intent upon its throatage.

Into his carapace for fear of Law;

Into his ineffectual Hell.

Into the aristocracy of crime.

Into the heavens contrived to get


Is a ring fitted in the subject's nose

Is better than simple aspersion

Is downed by his unlucky star

Is freedom from every sin

Is guilty of contributory negligence.

Is he that eats a shabby dinner.

is heard to snore
and every assassin is made a ghost and

Is knowledge beyond my reach.

Is mired neck-deep in an unwholesome bog

Is more than Aaron's fit to be revered;

Is more than e'er she wore on land or wave.

Is open to all who grope in night

Is portable improperty
I take it.

Is public worship

Is that all father dear?

Is that in battle he will never hurt you?

Is that of all the fools alive

Is the advice of Silas W."

Is the man to use an ax on

Is where he died the deadest.

Is't not enough that thrifty millionaires

Is't the sandhill crane
the shankank

ye hed manne of ye villayge where it grewe made answer as

It chokes you when it is impure

It constitutes a moral obligation

It drops to die of surfeit in the mud

It hurts my—hurts my—limb."

It is figurative all

It is hardly fit

It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling

It is sayd there be a raunge of mountaynes in the Easte

It lasted one whole season!

It looks as if to challenge me they came

It made me with a thousand blushes burn

It means egg.

It occupied—that dismal thing!—

it roareth now. The species is the most widely distributed of all

It still were unfair to pitch in

It was to let me be S. Wood.

It were a wondrous thing if His design

It will boost a person splendid

It's all the same whether up or down

Its head and objecting

Its nature? Never mind—I think

Its shining face attentive scanned

J.H. Bumbleshook

Jack Satan smelts the dead to make new bullets.

Jack Satan's power defying.

Jauntily marching with brass bands and banners!

John Elmer Pettibone Cajee


Juno drank a cup of nectar

Juno drank a cup of rye—

Just choose your own and we'll not quarrel.

just: one must see to it that others also are in the same state;

Keep the wind of your slogan to belly your sail

Kill not
abet not those who kill;

King his Majesty."

Kiss not thy neighbor's wife

Knights of St. Gorge and Sir Knights Jawy.

Knights of the Order of St. Steboy

know the man. His name is Sakko-Samshi."

known whether it is constitutional?

an attendant demon at his head.

Least said is soonest disavowed.

Less anxious each to hear than tell;

Lest its value decline ere your credit advance.

Let Howison urge with perfunctory chin

Let that be said—and God forgive it!

Let those immersed

Let us dissemble.

liberty to introduce persons to one another without first

Lift up a disregarded cry.

Like a visible new creation.

Like an ancient bell that forever swings.

Like an artless
undesigning child;

like an elephant
all expecting to see the severed head flung

Like clods on the coffin's sounding shell:

Like the billowing of an ocean

Like the river from the canon [sic]

Like the shaking of a carpet

Like these good people
are a Christian too."

Lo! the drum-major in his coat of gold

Lo! the poor humorist
whose tortured mind

Lo! the poor Indian whose unsuited mind

Lord Cadde I don't hesitate to declare


losses? Are not their houses as likely as mine to burn before

low that by the time when
according to the tables of your

luckier ventures with other clients. Virtually
they pay your

the executive power is a part of the legislative.

LUNARIAN: But this system of maintaining an expensive judicial

LUNARIAN: I see. The death warrant is not valid until signed by

LUNARIAN: Precedent. What is that?

LUNARIAN: Then when your Congress has passed a law it goes

LUNARIAN: Why then should not your laws
previously to being

M is for Moses

machinery to pass upon the validity of laws only after they

Made copious notes of the mystical speech

Majesty's surprise to see calmly approaching the throne the man

make that of another miserable by thrusting upon him an

Make the most clamorous fanfaronade

Man girds at and despises

mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel

Many a year and many a day

many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility

the gray and dismal kneedeep.

Material things I know
or feel

May aches and diseases encamp in their bones

May bait the trap to catch a nibbling mie.

May corn-cobs be snared without hope in their hair

May fleas by the bushel inhabit their shirts;

May I and duty be alike undone.

May life be to them a succession of hurts;

May microbes

May see you groveling their boots to lick

mean his client. The President
if he approves it

Meantime the hump of that awful bump

chosen to serve the State

Men are not liars all
for some are dead.

Men were not ranting


Merely a plain parched pea that jumped the griddle.

merrily sailed we two.

Mighty big books were these

nor yet in performance of religious rites and obedience to

Mine ears without cease?

Misfortune attend and disaster befall!

Miss Sallie Ann Splurge
of her own accord

monarch. "Did I not sentence you to stand in the market-place and

Monastical gregarian

Moral of this woful poem:

More promises than they can break.

Mr. Debs is a redundant citizen.

Mumble said one day to Dumble:

Mumble was for learning famous.

Murmuring: "Well
at any rate

My duty manifest to disobey;

My femoral muscularity!"

My friend
you are not graceful—not at all;

My glorious testudinous regime!

My humbler service pray accept—

My medicines the doctors use

My method is to crucify the sinner.

My moments merrily would fly—

My name unblemished I shall keep."

My sins are more than scarlet:

My skull thy pulpit
as my paunch thy shrine.

My tail is lithe and bald and cold!"

Myself to commit.

name (wolfman) is incorrect
for the creature is of the cat kind.

Native of Abu-Keber's ancient town

Nature herself approves the Goby rule

that were well

Ne me perdas illa die.

nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal

David served not Naked Truth when he

you're not pretty

'tis peerless William Bryan

No 'tis not the Shankank standing

No bite had he eaten for days
and his cry

No doubt (your habit shows it) from afar;

No doubt you'll swear till all is blue

No images nor idols make

No monument shows his

No one at once evolved
but all

No quadruped can match my weight!"

No sound his sense can quicken!"

No stellar recognition's given.

Noble Knights of the Golden Flea

None but the Grave deserve the Unfair.

None ever was found before.

None is worser to be dreaded

Nor any soul he saw.

Nor are you beautiful: your head's a snake's

Nor art
but there I'll list

Nor care nor grief to pester."

Nor come before me creeping.

Nor did he hit the nail upon the head:

Nor ever sees the prison that enfolds him;

Nor hear its own shriek for the noise of their chins.

Nor vilified."

Nor women "generally speaking."

Nor yet its former guardian forsake it

Not a spark have you of knowledge

Not all my genius
great as 'tis

Not even the memory of who you are."

not peculiar to insurance
but as a charitable institution you

Not so; like sods upon a dead man's breast

lying here

from her leafy covert when she cries:

where the dickens is the sense

the Republicans

Now a fellow to move our mirth.

Now man is tormented

Now this tale is allegoric—

Now where's the need of speech and screed

Nut-brown in face and limb.

I love to hear

the Lord of Law on the Throne of Thought

woe was him!—with manner chill and grand

tell me

what's the loud uproar assailing

O Brahma
thou rare old Divinity

O Coenobite
O coenobite

O Fate!

O Man
let not ambition trouble you

O serviceable Rumor
let me wield

O Tortoise
'tis a happy

O useful metal!—were it not for thee

o'clock? And is it not now 3:10?"

O'er Ceylon blow your breath

O'er fire unquenched
a never-dying worm.

O'er Hell—ten million devils dead!

O'er the top of a palm that adjacent grew;

O'er their most worthless work; and I'm afraid

Obeying his belly he struck at the laws.

Observe with care
my son

Of a babe at their temper could take no offence.

Of a peacefully meditative gnu

Of a perfectly splendid story.

Of a team to be!

Of ability you possess."

Of an ancient man the tale is told

Of an idle young woman who tarried

Of audible sofas sepulchrally hoarse

Of better men than I am.

Of business men
whose voices loud

Of cash on hand—which they will count.

Of clerks

Of dun degeneration

Of every kind of peppered roast

Of existence that's marked by the vices of age.

Of foreordinational freedom of will)

Of fortune destitute
of friends bereft;

Of growth

Of having his unlawful fling.

Of his attitude
he begs

Of his bones
he sprang

Of his hair
like a mountain peak.

Of his legs fell Twaddle

Of it is that when down-hill I turn I

Of levity
Mere Man

Of life
all his muscles preserving the peace

Of middle life and look adown the bleak

Of military station—

Of motion
but I know now how he's proving

Of our bedfellow Death
and cry: "O fudge!"

Of religious discussion in my rhyme.

Of Roman history
great Niebuhr's shown

Of royal anger dying.

Of shreds and patches his robes are wrought

Of such tenacity his grip

Of t'other powder's excellence

Of that austere and righteous town.

Of that elderly sport
notwithstanding the truth

Of the charger
which galloped away.

Of the dogless Land beyond the Stew

Of the face
at the eminent egotist

Of the hills to the east of my station

Of the monastery gray

Of the rider—in size

Of the soul this laughter welleth

Of the soule extrudes this laughter

Of the unpersuaded foeman.

Of things in college I'm denied

Of this new law of capitation.

Of title
rank and every kind

Of tongue and pulse and heart and respiration.

Of torment
but I hear it

Of two evils choose to be the least.

of whom not a single fragment was ever recovered."

Of winds that blew aloof;

Of wrath on friends and sympathetes


Old Nick was summoned to the skies.

Old Paunchinello
freshly wed

On a modus vivendi—not they!—

On a slab of thin asbestos what I venture here to quote—

On clerks and on pages
and porters

On every wind

On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up—

On him
and mercy show him!"

On his various arms and legs—

On Juno's poultry in the trees.

On other days everything else.

On punishment of audible dissent—

On Shallow sentiment and stolen wit;

On the desk
he dashed in at the top of the screed:

On the gridiron he shall shine

On the tipsy ship
with a dreadful shout

On their meddlesome souls!

On their problem
like moles.

Once a warrior gentle of birth

Once I dipt into the future far as human eye could see

Once I seen a human ruin

Once Law was sitting on the bench

Once shrieked as Kosciusko fell;

One day a wag—what would the wretch be at?—

One day with all his credentials came

One paper would have held the two.

one syde of the which certayn conducts are immorall
yet on the other

neuralgic or sciatic.

cursed with consciences that bid them fly

Or at leastwise not as such.

Or he'll think I bear him malice"—

Or ill some other ghastly fashion

Or play some rosy little game

Or purify it otherwise than steaming it.

Or sometimes
if the humor came

Or where blood flows the reddest

other words
you expect me to bet that my house will not last

otherwise pay to me. Will you not be more likely to squander

Our corporal heroically fell!

Our friends expire—we make the money fly

Our office here
to see if we

Outdoes me in sulphureousness;

Over and over again they swore—

overlook them
denied them


P.S.—Gabriel will raise her.

paid you considerably less than the face of the policy.

Pauses to hear and yearns to understand.

peacefully to the close
without incident.

Pedestrians a-warning.

people to abridge their king
a decent respect for the opinions of

Performed the service to compile 'em.


Perhaps he thought to weaken disbelief

perils already passed
so the wisdom of man doth not enable him to

Perpetual repairing. So

Persuaded elsewhere every little while!

'tis folly to know Spanish.

Philosophers gathered from far and near

Phisicians was in vain

Place to lay our little Clara.

Plain iron forceps we employ

Please have the proper entries made

Poor Charlotte Smith's a smithareen!

Poor Isabella's Dead
whose abdication

Post-mortem inscription

postsusananthony period
having no knowledge of the seclusion

crankily prating of naught

Pray favor me with a suggestion."

Pray lend it me. Wit I have not

Pray remember
sacred Savior

Pray what did bad Mendicant do?

Precept on precept

Precipitate in all
this sinner

Predestined to regenerate the land.


but by that of the Chief Justice of the Supreme

Pressing his nose against the glass that holds him

previously to the time set by yourself for its occurrence. In

Profit had prompted you
and love as well

or louder in praise of his chump:

Proves all the ancient sculptors mad.

Public opinion's camp-follower he

Quod sum causa tuae viae.

Ragged and fat and as saucy as sin

ran and placed my unworthy body in the market-place. The

Re-outfitted thus
Mr. Splurge without fear

Read nothing
laugh never—

Read with a solemn face:

Realizing that he's Caught It

received. War with the whole world!

Jesu pie

Remarking with speech and manner just

Remembering his pounded head:

Repeated demands on the pocket of Splurge

Replied: "His head
at least

Replied—his manner with disdain was spiced:

Reported that the frying-pan

Republics are less handy to get hurt in?

Resembling a couple of blackberry pies.

Respected contemporaree!

Restrained the raging chief and said:

Reveals the path that he should not have gone.

at the best

righteous I am bound to restrain my neighbor
by force if needful

Roared around the palace: "Liberty or death!"

roared the sovereign—"why didst thou but lightly tap the neck

rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by

ruined and disgraced swordsman! I struck the villain feebly


Runs through your argument." Then leave the rest

Sad Jamie: "That is very true—

Said a man to a crapulent youth: "I thought

Said he: "'Twere wise to change my course."

Said Nick—"I'll cook their food in't."

Said Peter: "Your intentions

Said the Grand Vizier: "Yes

Said the Judge: "the defendant prefixion

Said the Shah: "I do—'tis the only kind

Said they
are the demands of state

Said to his lazy jester:

Said Tom
that I could do no less

Salmon and flounders and smelts;

Sat grieving at the cost of coals;

Save here in this Republic

Save only that of death.

Saw death before
hell and the grave behind;

Say parson
priest and dervise

Says the priest. "Since the time 'o yer wooin'

Scanned him alive;

Searching precision find the unavowed

Sears best the wicked spirit.

See better than their master.

see dependynge fr. his braunches all soch as have affroynted ye

See how he glares through the bars of his cell!

See jokes in crowds
though still to gloom inclined—

Seeing them lacrymose and glum

Seems eviler than it would seem

Seen her of winsome manner

Seized the fellow
and put

Semitic face—

indifferent and unstirred.

serve oneself is economy of administration.

Set all tongues wagging in the Spanish nation.

Set down great events in succession and order

Shall go to the dogs and the dogs go mad.

shall probably have saved
when it burns

irresistible by mail or shield

She blocks the path that leads to wrath

She made the fool a duke
in hope

She screams whenever monarchs meet

She tenderly inquired.

She thought it a crow
but it turn out to be

She wisely left a throne too hot to hold her.

She's niver [sic] assisted in what ye were at—

Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT

Shiver grayly in the north wind

Should nothing aver but that Adam slipped up.

Should only contend that Adam slipped down;

Should stand till Time himself be overthrown?

Should you ask me further question—

Should you ask me whence this laughter

Showing by forceful logic that its beard

Shows Man's superiority to Beast.

Silence your pibroch
doff tartan and plume:

Silly old quilly old Monarch of Thought.

Since all ignore my just complaint

Sir Lavender Portwine
in favor at court

Six days shalt thou labor and do all thou art able

Smiling long and wide:

Sniffed at the gift
yet accepted the same.

in his own defence

in convention then and there

to be candid

to com saufly thruh

So all poor Adam's motions coldly were denied:

So bad a man as Neighbor John."

So close their intimacy grew

So far from that dear London.

So fierce and so fiery grew the debate

So flew away and soon brought back

So great a writer
all men swore

So high degree it was a sin.

So humble and meek
you would vainly seek;

So I salute you as a reptile grand

So long a neck!" said the Giraffe.

so long as you say that it will probably last.

So modest a man in all Ispahan

So Nature executes her feats

So off flew their cassocks and caps to the ground

So orderly all's done that they

So pigs to lead the populace are greased good.

So plain the advantages of machination

So prospers still the diplomatic art

So sang the blithe reporter-man as grew

So saying
he gasped his top-knot

So scornful of the law should be—

So seek your adversary to engage

So shall I slay the wretch without a blow

So skilled the parson was in homiletics

So strong the aversion that it stirred.)

So that I might forget his last

So the base sycophant with joy descries

So the lawyers applied

So the poor debtor
seeing naught around him

So the Recording Angel
when Hearst died

So thronged with a hungry and indolent crew

So well remarked
or, As you wisely say

So wide his erudition's mighty span

Soaring up to Heaven's gate.

Soberly then his eyes and gazed

Some blessings in a deep disguise

Some country where it is considered nice

Some heaps of trash upon a vacant lot

Some magic lurking in your look

Some miscreants there are
whom I do long

Some respite from the roast
however brief."

Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal—

Some three or four quarters drunk

Something his mind foreboded—

Sons of cupidity
cradled in sin!

Spare me to celebrate his overthrow

Speak of the Devil and he will hear about it.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond;

Standing in the gray and dismal

Standing in the marsh
the kneedeep

Standing silent in the kneedeep

stands this way: you expect to take more money from your

Stay thou
my sweetheart

Still must you follow to the bitter end

Stole two loaves of bread to replenish his lack

Straightway producing
jubilant and proud

strangely visited people


Strike while your employer has a big contract.

strode away
pelted by the populace

Struck that sledge-hammer blow at all his race;

Subject and citizens that feel no need

Success or failure in what I

Successfully allayed the tickle

Successfully in business. Cheat.

Such sanctity hath Heaven given his hand

Sued for Eve's favor
says an ancient law report

Supreme Court until having perhaps been enforced for many


Swims round and round his tank to find an outlet

syde they are holden in good esteeme; wherebye the mountayneer is much

T'other one an alibi.

Take not God's name in vain; select

Taken from Life." If that description's true

taught not to talk.

Ten million males each had a wife;


TERRESTRIAN: It has been defined by five hundred lawyers in three

you put it too strongly; we are not so

TERRESTRIAN: Not yet—at least not in their character of

TERRESTRIAN: O no; it does not require the approval of the

TERRESTRIAN: There is no precedent for any such course.

Than give him good advice." Said Jim:

Than Nature's hairs that never have been split

Than put it in my teacup."

Than the gent's who there was spreaded

That a cat cannot slip through the thicket of shins

That all his normal purges and emetics

That all things which he'd felt

That bloodless warfare of the old and young—

That breath he draws not with his hand

That brings the noisiest to book

That Cadde had renounced all the follies of youth;

That color it would he!

That comic pencils trace—

That countryman looked on the while

That dueling's a gentlemanly vice

That empires are ungrateful; are you certain

That evil to avert
in haste

That fitted him for a show.

That for devotions paid to Bacchus

That friend of tricksters introduced by stealth

That he lived to be ten centuries old

That he the metal
she the stone

That he'd suggested to the Lord.

That holy person then withdrew

That I ever have heard tell

That I tremble for your neck!"

That in the case of patients having money

That is a gamester too.

That it be so—and
not to be

That it doesn't hurt your twigs."

that it should have been thy pleasure to sever?"

That its summit stood far above the wood

That life and experience teach:

That looked upon her awful brow.

That my present mood is sunny.

That night earth rang with sounds of strife—

That night sweet Peace her pinions spread

That nothing but bloodshed their dudgeon could sate;

That nothing from his hand can slip.

That on himself he shall exhaust his rage

That other noblemen asked why.

That people and critics by him had been led

That poor Salmasius died of Milton's pen.

That really meritorious gnu."

That record from a pocket in his shroud.

That revel round your name

That saw a ghost.

That she's a prying
inquisitive minx!"

That slave retired
a sadder man

That solitudinarian:

That souls afflicted with ten kinds of Adam

That stay his cure: their malady convinces

That stupid shepherd lolling on his crook

That the vengeance he took was uncommonly low.

that they enforce?

That uncommon woful wreck:

That was got in any college."

That when he's sinned he's somewhat bloated

That when your marble is all dust

That which your Majesty requires."

That word make clear

That you are you and I am I.

That you employ your genius vast

That's how court-plaster got its name

That's made of you;

That's why I'm done—or undone—

The 'Possum said: "I'm great—behold

The actor apes a man—at least in shape;

The advantage of economy?"

The air is not the same:

The Angel slowly turned the pages o'er

The auspices deny success."

The bar ingeniously applies

The bard who would prosper must carry a book

The best that was every provided

The boast requires no backing;

The bold Insurgent-protestant

The bones of Agammemnon are a show

The boots in question were made that way.

The bounds of this court's jurisdiction."

The boy said naught but thought instead

The Captain he

The church's pardon is denied

The company's better than here we can boast

The conscious dust consenting flew

The country humbly was resigned

The court all wore the stuff
the flame

The cur foretells the knell of parting day;

The daily drubbings you'd have got

The dance that's called the Saraband

The deadster ain't a-kickin'."

The devil casting a seine of lace

The doorkeeper looked
with a comical twist

The driblet of an aphorism.

The duty
neither just nor wise

The east wind rose with greater force.

The electric light invades the dunnest deep of Hades.

The Elephant replied: "I'm great—

The Enemy of Human Souls

The fact is—I have fired."

The fame of his wisdom filled the land

The fire themselves in which their fat was fried.

The First had been eagled or condored.

The flabby wine-skin of his brain

The fool said—"if you'll hear it—

The former to ecclesiasts bring gain;

The girls were contended.

The goal and the rival forgotten alike

The godly multitudes walked to and fro

The good old rule who won't apply

The good philanthropist replied;

The Gorgon was a maiden bold

The great essay of art; but at his touch

The haunted twilight of the Dark of Rest.

The Headliner
holding the copy in hand

The Headliner discontinued to read

The healing benediction.

The horrors of peace.

the hour appointed for performance of the rite what was his

The jokes were fine and funny

The judge said: "Enough—

The king smiled grimly. "I decree

The Knights of Dominion were so resplendent in their velvet-

The lady

The Latin lexicon makes his absurd

The latter to the devil appertain.

the letter of the law. It is not enough that one be pious and

The lictors dare to run us in

The lights burn red and blue and green.

The loafing herd winds slowly o'er the lea;

The lyre in my hand has never swept

The maidens hold high revel;

The Maker
at Creation's birth

The man had been a twelvemonth dead.

The man was perishing apace

The man who taketh a steam bath

The man who writes in Saxon

The man with the minaret.

The man's mill had exploded.

The mandates of his lawless will."

The Master pondered this advice

The Master's hand here dealt a whack

The mattress that kicks and the pillow that snores!

The meekness of Moses.

The mere despair of surgery

The missiles that he threw.

The monarch asked them in reply:

The monarch from the throne-room walked

The Monarch laughed loud with a sound that fell

The monarch of the wood and plain!"

The monk has long been a dusty corse

The moon rising solemnly over the crest

The moony monocular set in his eye

The moral there's small need to sing—

The more they said
the more they felt

The most forgiving spirit."

the murderer.

The necks of those whom we assess.

The neighbors sadly say.

The noblest place for man to die—

The number needed
in a sack.

The one at the goal while the other is—where?"

The opera performer apes an ape.

The owl was on the roof.

The owner of a powder mill

The parted storm-cloud's sullen gloom

The path that he was following.

The patter they made as they fell at his feet!

The people run from him and shout:

The physiognomists his portrait scan

The pig is taught by sermons and epistles

The pills were sugar and the pukes were honey.

The poet remarks; and the sense

The poor man suffers that keenest of ills

The preachers by example teach

The promise of a clerkship in the Mint.

The proper balances displayed

the pursuit of another's happiness with a running pack of

The qualities that you have first read into it.

The reward of toil and virtue.

The right
when he had earned

The rimer quenches his unheeded fires

The rising moon o'er that enchanted land

The rising People
hot and out of breath

The saddest man in all Ispahan

The salesman smiled in a manner mild

The Savage concurred
and that weapon interred

The savage dies—they sacrifice a horse

The savings of many in the hands of one.

The scurvy rogues to better lives and manners

The sea was calm and the sky was blue;

The seal of death was on his face—

The sects ye belong to—I'm ready to swear

The song I cannot offer:

The sound surceases and the sense expires.

The sparkling Winter gave no heed

The speech of earth
heaven and ocean.

The Sphinx was less clever!

The star far-flaming on thine angel brow

The stars that danced before his ken

The statesmen honest in their views

The subject engaging them was she.

The Sultan said: "There's evidence abundant

The Summer then was long indeed:

The sun has never looked upon

The task we set our wishes to.

The tax-collectors in a row

The tempest descended and we fell out.

The temple's rearward gate
cried "Shoo!"

The temple's roof received their flight

The tenant neither can admire nor know.

The throne he ventured

The trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

The Truth (with the comfort it brings)

The truth is
Adam had the colic.

The two belligerents embraced;

The votes they cannot spell

The wall and fraudulently seize

The wanton grass-roots will defeat the plan

The water-drinkers and the cranks

The Weather Man—I fear he

The weeds were in the gravel path

The west wind

The wheels go round without a sound

The wheels go round without a sound—

The widow-queen of Portugal

The winds were moaning in the wood

The wise man homeward plods; I only stay

The woman is lithe and graceful in its movement
especially the

The word shall suffer when I let them go!

The world turned topsy-turvy we should see;

The world would benefit at last by you

Their backs
howe'er extreme

Their bells go all the morning;

Their deep surprise avowed

Their feelings. Then they effervesced!

Their hunger. And

Their lanterns bright bestar the night

Their lungs full of tubercles
bladders of stones;

Their master to devise some way

their nature afterward.

Their spirits with emotion melt

Their various charms before us.

Their way across the royal brow.

them to the separation.

them? We offer you an incentive to thrift.

day and night

having diagnosed each one's condition

checking himself

for further comprehension

pent at last in an asylum

Then a person of civic worth

Then addressed it to the liver

Then all the others turned to him

Then bent His head in awful state

Then each remorsefully confessed

Then from exposure miserably died

Then gravely closed the book and gave it back.

Then ho! for the flashing brine—

Then Justice came. His Honor cried:

Then Liberty erased his owner's name

Then made a solemn vow that he would be

Then saw I gazing thoughtfully below

Then she bad herself good-bye.

Then shook and threw the fateful dice

Then slipped it into the good man's hand

Then swears they're pushed to madness who resort

Then that ruin
smilin' sadly

Then the domestic dog
to east and west

Then the man would carry him miles on the road

Then the rope it broke above him

Then told a priest
who told the Pope

Then tucked his head beneath his wing

then. If it is certain
with reference to the whole body of

There are not stars enough in heaven.

There are three sexes; males
females and girls.

There is a land of pure delight

There was a devil of a go!

There was a youth (you've heard before

There was once a man in Ispahan

There was Smith's house
for example

There wasn't a man in all Ispahan

There's a man with a Nose

There's little to tell:

There's nothing vital in the eggs they've laid;

There's plenty

These all must quickly pass away

These gamblers take your cash."

these individual probabilities that make the aggregate

These particulars is mentioned

Thet non coude pas on eyder syde;

They all were good
for all were males.

They buried him where he lay

They cannot struggle half an inch!

They dared not close an eye—dared not

They give me the cat-o'-nine

they have paid you as much as you must pay them? The case

They laugh
they sing

They locked horns with him

They named him Sheriff. The affair

They never had not read before.

They presently amend

They say 'tis conscience feels compunction;

They say that hens do cackle loudest when

they seem to the unthinking a kind of credibility.

They sent him to jail
and they'll send him to—well

They still rebuffed him
for he was detected.

They stood before the altar and supplied

They took away his vote and gave instead

they were a rebuke
represented them as vices. They are here

They'd all escaped through the meshes.

They're not entirely different from the hen.

They're visible unveiled.

They're working by night and by day

Thine own thy neighbor doth caress

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need.

Thinketh to cleanliness he's wed

Thinking the laughter of the scribes

This "excommunication" is a word

This added fault: it made him mad

This all audible big-smiling

This commonwealth's capitol's corridors view

This is a cat.

This is a dog

This is a frog

This is a rat.

This is a truth
as old as the hills

This man is dumb."

this pamph—

This quaint
sweet song sang she;

This tariff makes even devils cheat!

This thing
and thought may be

This thing Allegiance
as I suppose

This view of it which
better far expressed

This woeful tale
may be)

Thou hadst not perished by the law of libel.

Thou shalt no God but me adore:

Thou shalt not pay thy butcher's bill.

Thou'dst better make him
by decree

Though hard indeed the task to get it in

Though he didn't care two figs

Though he never was heard

Though he's livin' none would know him

Though Hebrew and Howison cannot agree

Thought fled and left her clothing
which they took

Through all thy maze his brothers
fool and dunce

through my own neck! Father of the Moon
I resign my office."

Through to the end; the golden goal

Throughout eternal space dread silence fell;


Thy great invention
the unfatal feast

Thy praise is ever on the tongue

Thy spirit (usefully employed) in Hell.

Thyself inspiring me
the song of praise.

Tightened the rivets and inscribed his own.

wrecked in his fortune

its black hide distended with bad blood

Till Democrats
forlorn and lone

Till Deth released the dear deceased

Till fatter it grew than the fattest friar

Till his head begun to swim.

Till Neddy was pretty well rested.

Till tears of sentiment expressed

Till the rocks and the flocks and the trees that grew

Till the Shah in a rage sent a trusty page

Till the strength of the beast was o'ertested;

Time to the dead so all unreckoned flies

To a better observation

To a very remarkable height—

To accept the homage of a dying reign!

To accept the tyrant of his party's choice.

To all the virtues he possessed

To an open keyhole heard

To battle: "The brokers are parasites all!"

To be told how every member stands

To bear to happy hunting-grounds the corse.

To beg was unlawful—improper as well.

To better our behaving?

To bind the chains about her feet

To bring the early peas on.

To censure freely and fault to find

To chapel
engaged in colloquial fray—

To come again and part him from his roll.

To confidences straight they fell

To do them nicely to a turn

To ecclesiastical service.

To entoken and give warning

to estop as to forestall mine own tort. Wherefore if I would be

To falsehood of so desperate a sort.

To fiddle-faddle in a minor key.

To fix itself upon a part diseased

To follow the new fashion.

To further proceedings in its behalf.

To have been a simple and undamned spectator.

To hazard such disaster;

To him
secure that he'll perform his trust

To History she'll be no royal riddle—

To joy in the thick of the fray.

To know another man was bad.

To know that's what you would have done."

To laugh—he had no sleeve—the thing

To Leonard's resignation—

To live my life out in some favored spot—

To look at
and I do not doubt it aches.

To love that is unlawful.

To make a fellow weary.

To make it plastic for the mould.

To make new sacrifices at thine altar!

To make the March of Mind a wild stampede;

To make the royal way less rough.

To match all living things He'd made

To me my fair and rightful prey

To medicine the spirit were compounded

To men a man is but a mind. Who cares

To mend their lives and to sustain his own

To mitigate the miser's joy

To my spirit in the skies

To my undoing my own lies;

To Nero Rome replied: "Pray do your worst

To noble emulation

To one who
journeying through night and fog

To pierce
although to angels' eyes

To poets all Nature is pregnant with grand

To prove this unbelieving dog redundant."

To rise at any hour of night

To Rome said Nero: "If to smoke you turn

To safer villainies of darker dye

To say: "I'm great because I'm good!"

To see the sun setting in glory

To serve his temple and maintain the fires

To set with monarchses of thought

To set your wisdom (holding not a doubt of it

To shoot
to stab

To sit at his feet and hear and hear

To smell the sweetness of the Lord's anointed.

To so great a height that they called the wight

To something dark and dreary

To specifical relate.

To split a rival like a fish
or slice

To stand high-pinnacled upon the peak

To stay the shadow on the dial's face

To steal (they call it "cornering") our bread

To sway or to compel

To swell the revenue. "So great

To take his goods away.

To the adjacent village of Xelam

To the business of being a lord himself.

To the capitol's door and announced his name.

To the question as submitted

To the succeeding royalty he leaves

To the wild
wild eyes

To thee in worship do I bend the knee

To think the God of Swine has snout and bristles.

To thrifty J. Macpherson;

To Truth; though I suspect the aged knave

To utter a word

To utter the abhorrent word

To whom the Grand Vizier
with mien impressive

To-night (if it be dark) shall try.

Toleration—that's all very well

tong ye same as "rapscal" in our owne.

Took action first
and then his dinner.

Took Madam P. to table

Tranquillity o'er all around.

I believe the only sinner

True spinsters spin adown the way

Twaddle had a hovel

Twaddle said: "I'll grovel

Twiddle had a palace;

Two female gossips in converse free—

Two Seidlitz powders
one in blue

Two theologues once
as they wended their way

Unfinished prophecy
and witch-fires freak


Ungrateful he who afterward would falter

Unheard by him who slumbered

Unless I'm greatly lying.

Unless Thou dost establish birth"—

Unlike that reptile
he will not let go.

command him to blow his nose with his fingers.

Unmoved that awful vision stood.

Until to buy babes he has squandered

Unworthy the father-in-legal care

Upon a dwelling whose magnificence

Upon a rigorous examination

Upon Minerva's temple walls

Upon my forehead and along my spine.

Upon some stars bestowed her name.

Upon the Deputy's bent back

Upon the pestilential blast

Upon your knees if you appear

violently from him. Nothing occurred: the performance prospered

vitalizing wishes have been pestilently disregarded. With joy I

volumes each. So how can any one know?


Was "Bread!" ever "Bread!"

Was "cursed." But that is all symbolic:

Was given to the cheerful flame.

Was just as bad as he could be.

Was musing on a distant hill—

Was one day with a tarry coat

Was opened
it is said

Was wroth at his master
who'd kissed Lady Port.

Waving his robe of office. Straight

like old Muhlenberg

We dig them out of ruins now

We have that old regime

We know better the needs of ourselves than of others. To

We know by one's reading

We know his Hereafter.

We must awake Man's spirit from his sin

We must fix the premium so that you will have paid more.

We must knight our dogs to get any lower.

We plunder his tomb
be he sinner or saint

We saw a wild hyena slink

We'd grapple one another's ears alway:

We'll cheerfully divide with you."

We're never for an hour without it."

We're not that way at present

Wedded a wandering English lord—

Wedded and took him to dwell with her "paw

I suppose this new regime

Well skilled to overeat without distress!

Well-buttered eels you may o'erwhelm

Were an impressive martial spectacle

Were convalescent ere they knew they had 'em.

Wh. he of Scottlande charmed awaye.

what! Dom Pedro

scorning to perform

What face he carries or what form he wears?

What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.

What should they do? They were not hot

What though of all man's works your tomb alone

What would they have?—although I yearn

What's Satan done that him you should eschew?

What's the matter with pie?

What's this that's found upon the ground?

Whate'er it portend

Whate'er occurs
God wills it so. Good land!

Whatever he gained
the loss was ours.

Whatever is is so by Right Divine;

with a Titan's energy and strength

When Adam long ago in Cupid's awful court

When all was absurd and phantasmagoric.

When danger threatened them below.

When David said: "All men are liars

When e'er we let the wine rest.

When even his dog deserts him
and his goat

When from the cloudless sky there fell

When I was young the world was fair

When I was young the year extended

When ignorance from out of our lives can banish

When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for

When Jove sent blessings to all men that are

When kicked by a jackass at eighty-three

When Man's extinct
a better world may see

When on thy stool of penitence I sit

When ordered by Unreason

When pure it makes you lame.

When straightway to the floor there fell

When the great Gichi-Kuktai was Mikado he condemned to

When the world was young and Man was new

When visiting a graveyard stood

When you came to think it out

When Zeal sought Gratitude for his reward

thank the good Lord

Whence this audible big-smiling

Whenever I go ashore.

Where all the pictures you arrange

Where every prospect pleases

Where he met a mendicant monk

Where long the village rubbish had been shot

Where saints
apparelled all in white

Where solemn shadows all the land invest

Where the beast was stabled and fed

Where the cobbler is unknown

Where there's a will there's a won't.

Where there's nobody to love him

Where they each

Where they were perching for the night.

Where thundered once Olympian Zeus

Whereby my broilers
every one

Whereby that organ is kept rightly pointed

Wherein he blundered and how much he lied.

Wherein is nothing yet all things do seem:

Wherein you paste the printed gibes

Wherewith all matters here below

Whether on the gallows high

Whether the word is a verb or a noun

Which darkened half the earth
he drew

Which does no more than just commence

Which I wasn't first intentioned

Which mortal sight has failed

Which they published next—

Which was (as well the crafty seer

While all the church bells made a solemn din—

While his shoulders overlook it?

While I looked he reared him solemnly
that incandescent youth

While I retire to question Fate."

While in yt londe I was carried to see ye Ghogo tree

While it was turning nice and brown

While Nick unseen threw some away.

While rivers from their courses rolled

While still you're possessed of a single baubee

While they were turning him on t'other side.

While yet it hangs upon his back; then thou

While you—you Supralapsarian pup!—

While your friend holds you affectionately by both your hands

whirled it in air
and then

whistles and
wearing silken bristles

white as the snows on the summit of Fujiama. His legs trembled

God unwilling

Who began to lift his noddle.

Who bought a meerschaum pipe and swore

Who came to draw remain to pay.

Who damned her from the altar!

Who differs from me in his faith is an 'ist

Who entered the confessional

Who have what you are lacking."

Who held out his hands and cried:

Who hoards
with greed that never tires

Who is that

Who load their skins with liquor—

Who loot in freight and spoliate in fares

Who might
for all we know

Who never shot (it were a vain attack)

Who never since has cursed me to repay

Who own you for their sovereign

Who played the tambourine;

Who preach abstemiousness unto me—

who should have been at that time ten minutes dead!

Who showed us life as all should live it;

Who slew the Egyptian.

Who slew the Egyptian.

Who turned to stone the Greeks of old

Who with great gravity said: "Wait

Who'd give their lords to save their hair

Who'd think this gorgeous creature's only virtue

Whom Dispossession
with alluring wile

whom I am well pleased."

Whom no elector e'er denied a vote!—

Whom rascals appoint and the populace pays

Whom thrifty settler ne'er besought to stay—

Whose 'lips are sealed' and will not disavow!"

Whose business 'tis to drive the tongue or pen

Whose eyes diffused a melancholy light.

Whose gratitude impelled him to proclaim:

Whose is the sanction of their state and pow'r?

Whose loss is our eternal gain

Whose premises adjoin it

Whose simple appetite
untaught to stray

Whose tax-collectors could not wring

Whose the thoughtless hand that gave your

Whose was it?—for the dead keep naught.

back there in Dreamland

what assurance have you 'twould be so?

Why did they put him there

Why didn't he work?

Why the great deeps of the spirit

Why the unplummeted abysmus

will be a total loss.

Will get more of punches than pence.

Will ride to the devil!"—and thump

Will scarcely meet them. Pray reflect:

William Bryan
he has Caught It


Wishing he had died when little

With a holy leer and a pious grin

With a most just discrimination founded

With a rattle and bang

With a record of unreason seldom paralleled on earth.

With a revealing spear.

With a tireless tongue and a brazen lung

With a true tongue
honest Injun:

With a white heart

With all the world; the mad race run

With all thine offspring thronged from every land

With any worthy person."

With bandinage the Solemn Sex!

With barley and oil and bread

With battle-chaps on fields of fame

With brambles 'twas encumbered;

With Citizen Mendicant all is not well.

With clamor from the trees o'erhead

With deaf attention scarcely deigns to look.

With deviltry did so accord

With dirty vapors of the boiling.

With dropping shots he makes him sick.

With equal power they contend.

With feet folded up so demurely—

With Heaven's taboo to palter;

With his bill
his william

With his head retracted inly

With his own fangs inflict the fatal wound.

With his wing-tips crossed behind him

With imposing rites
in the White Man's head.

With its labial extension

With its maxillar distortion

With lifted hands Miss Charlotte stands

With little to wear
he had nothing to sell;

With living things had stocked the earth.

With lusty lung
here on his western strand

With my most trusted minister."

With others for sins that I'm not inclined

With penetration to pierce any cloud

With pious mien
appropriately sad

With plated-ware we now compress

With reason as thy touch
exact and free

with reference to any one of them
that he will. It is

With skill will set the human fist a-moving

With the hot grape I warm no more my wit;

With tranquil disaffection chews his coat

With tranquil face
upon that holy show

With veneration I am overcome

With vollied prayers you wound Old Nick;

With windows closed you are asthmatic;

Within that bowel of compassion.

Within the shadow of a wall.

Women in love are less ashamed than men. They have less to be

Work not on Sabbath days at all

died on the Sandwich Islands and was devoured by savages

Would be right proud

Would fly abandoned Virtue's gross advances.

Would hale him to the nearest tree

Would it advantage you to dwell therein

Would know the dream and vision ne'er again.

Would marry it

would otherwise have paid to you—amounting to more than the

wrought upon still another
the which it is as manifestly my duty


Ye Kynge his evill in me laye

Ye wrongly interpret the names that they bear.

yesterday my soul was all aflame

years somebody objects to its operation against himself—I

Yet feels the narrow limits that impound him

Yet Heaven has had the designing of me

Yields to some pathologic strain

You a total abstainer
my son."

you are safe
for you can watch both his.

You ask me how this miracle is done?

You differ from the anchorite

You keep a record true

You know how Adam with good reason

You lack—excuse my mentioning it—Soul.

you money on the supposition that something will occur

You sit there so calm and securely

You slip on a peel of banana brown.

You thrust from jail consumed in getting back."

You will repent and join the Church

You'd never be content this side the tomb—

You'll have
I'm sure

You'll have no hand in it at all.

You'll think you scarcely can have closed your eyes.

You're self-satisfied unduly.

You're the First Person Singular

You—Infralapsarian son of a clown!—

your clients
that they lose money on you it is probable

Your criminal ranks may the death angel thin

Your doom I'll mollify and pains abate.

Your favor for a moment's space denied

Your friends in Illinois when held in thrall."

Your funny figure and your strange

Your gait's between a stagger and a sprawl.

Your progeny in power and control

Your soul's stained white with ichorshed!"

Your spirit into everything!"

Your sycophantic disposition's trend

Your talent to the service of a goat

Your throat and shake you like a rat. You know

Youth is the true Saturnian Reign
the Golden Age on earth

'Course not, said he: "the feller's dead—

'Tis better you should eat it, pet,

'Twas Predestination, cried one—"for the Lord

(from the headstone of a British nobleman in Kalamazoo)

(in a funeral sermon over a British nobleman)

(Old play)

A little present for you.

A pessimist applied to God for relief.

n. A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth or power. Peculiarly appropriate in an employee when addressing an employer.

n. Rubbish in front of a fort

n. An act whereby a sovereign attests his sense of the high temperature of the throne.

n. The temple of the god Stomach

n. The natural equipment to accomplish some small part of the meaner ambitions distinguishing able men from dead ones. In the last analysis ability is commonly found to consist mainly in a high degree of solemnity. Perhaps

adj. Not conforming to standard. In matters of thought and conduct

n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber; they fertilize.


v.t. To shorten.

adj. Sudden

v.i. To "move in a mysterious way

adj. Peculiarly exposed to the tooth of detraction; vilifed; hopelessly in the wrong; superseded in the consideration and affection of another.

n. A person with an income who has had the forethought to remove himself from the sphere of exaction.

adj. Independent

n. A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure. A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention

n. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.

n. An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught.

n. [from ACADEME] A modern school where football is taught.

n. An inevitable occurrence due to the action of immutable natural laws.

n. One associated with another in a crime

n. Harmony.

n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

n. The mother of caution.

Accounting for the uncommon behavior of ghosts
Heine mentions somebody's ingenious theory to the effect that they are as much afraid of us as we of them. Not quite

v.t. To affirm another's guilt or unworth; most commonly as a justification of ourselves for having wronged him.

adj. In the surprising condition of the Crusader who absently pulled at his forelock some hours after a Saracen scimitar had

n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

v.t. To confess. Acknowledgement of one another's faults is the highest duty imposed by our love of truth.

n. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from

Actions can't here be that way prosecuted.

adv. Perhaps; possibly.

n. Boned wisdom for weak teeth.


Adam rose and with a reproachful look got down on all fours in the manner of his kind and
scuffling across the room to a table

n. A mineral frequently found beneath a corset. Soluble in solicitate of gold.

n. A species of snake. So called from its habit of adding funeral outlays to the other expenses of living.

n. A follower who has not yet obtained all that he expects to get.

n. An ingenious abstraction in politics

n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking.

n. Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.

n. Gentle reproof

v.t. To venerate expectantly.

n. The smallest current coin.

pp. Fitted with an ankle-ring for the ball-and-chain.

n. An acclimatizing process preparing the soul for another and bitter world.

Affliction sore long time she boar,

n. A nigger that votes our way.

n. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we have no longer the enterprise to commit.

aged 27 yrs. 4 mos. and 12 ds. Indigenous."

n. A statesman who shakes the fruit trees of his neighbors —to dislodge the worms.

Ah, yes, said the neglected bride

Ah, you wish me to restore your hope and cheerfulness, said God.


n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

n. An ingenious criminal who covers his secret thieving with a pretence of open marauding.

Alexander Poke

n. An American sovereign in his probationary state.

All men are ingrates, sneered the cynic. "Nay

n. The Mahometan Supreme Being


n. In international politics

n. The crocodile of America

adj. In bad company.

n. The place whereupon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used

Ambat Delaso

adj. Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

n. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead.

Amica curiae, she replied—

n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Among the ancients the idea of Hades was not synonymous with our Hell
many of the most respectable men of antiquity residing there in a very comfortable kind of way. Indeed

Among the Anglo-Saxon a subject conceiving himself wronged by the king was permitted
on proving his injury

An aim? Well, no, I haven't, wife;

An ancient philosopher
expounding his conviction that life is no better than death

An English sea-captain being asked if he had read "The Exile of Erin
replied: No

An ointment for my cracked and bleeding crown.

An old wine-bibber having been smashed in a railway collision
some wine was pouted on his lips to revive him. "Pauillac

and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. "Once

And how many impenetrable battleships strike terror to the hearts of all Christian swine? he asked the Imaum of the Ever Victorious Navy.

Anita M. Bobe

v.t. To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Anonymus Bink

n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

n. Predigested wisdom.

v.i. To lay the foundation for a future offence.

n. A leech who

n. The physician's accomplice

v.t. In law

Apperton Duke

n. An instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.

n. The echo of a platitude.

n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Apuleius M. Gokul

Aramis Jukes

Aramis Loto Frope

Arbely C. Strunk

n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.

n. One who drafts a plan of your house

n. The quality that distinguishes love without knowledge.

n. In politics

Ariel Selp

Arion Spurl Doke

n. Government by the best men. (In this sense the word is obsolete; so is that kind of government.) Fellows that wear downy hats and clean shirts—guilty of education and suspected of bank accounts.

Armit Huff Bettle

n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Arpad Singiny

pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition

v.t. Formally to detain one accused of unusualness.

n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies

n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related as follows by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape

n. A certain engaging quality to which women attain by long study and severe practice upon the admiring male

arts and industries. The question of its economical application to

As long, poor soul, as any of the pack

As long, sweet demon, let my respite be

as the "Doctor" in Macbeth hath it. This useful property of the royal hand could
it appears

Asked how he knew that an elephant was going on a journey
the illustrious Jo. Miller cast a reproachful look upon his tormentor

v.t. Maliciously to ascribe to another vicious actions which one has not had the temptation and opportunity to commit.

n. A public singer with a good voice but no ear. In Virginia City

Associated Poets

Atka Mip

n. The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

n. A country lying in the South Sea

Averil Joop

n. The lake by which the ancients entered the infernal regions. The fact that access to the infernal regions was obtained by a lake is believed by the learned Marcus Ansello Scrutator to have suggested the Christian rite of baptism by immersion. This

B. Percival Dike

n. A misshapen creature of no particular age

n. A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

n. That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.

v.t. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

n. A preparation that renders the hook more palatable. The best kind is beauty.

Balthasar Pober

n. A sacred rite of such efficacy that he who finds himself in heaven without having undergone it will be unhappy forever. It is performed with water in two ways—by immersion

Barel Dort

Barlow S. Vode

Barney Stims

n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.

n. A house in which soldiers enjoy a portion of that of which it is their business to deprive others.

Barson Maith

Bartle Quinker

Baruch Arnegriff

Baruch de Loppis

n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched from the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a bad eye

n. The act of walking on wood without exertion.

n. A kind of mystic ceremony substituted for religious worship

n. A method of untying with the teeth of a political knot that would not yield to the tongue.

Be gone! Ye ill no longer stayd.

Be good, be good! the sisterhood

n. The hair that is commonly cut off by those who justly execrate the absurd Chinese custom of shaving the head.

n. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Because, 'twas answered
others lack

v.t. To make an ingrate.

v. To ask for something with an earnestness proportioned to the belief that it will not be given.

n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

Begone! he shouted—"there's the door—

n. Conduct

Behold great Daubert's picture here on view—

Behold, rash mortal, whom you've bled—

n. In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

n. An order of monks otherwise known as black friars.

n. One who makes heavy purchases of ingratitude

n. A constellation (Coma Berenices) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.

Bettel K. Jhones

n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

n. One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

n. The invective of an opponent.

Biography of Bishop Potter

n. The first and direst of all disasters. As to the nature of it there appears to be no uniformity. Castor and Pollux were born from the egg. Pallas came out of a skull. Galatea was once a block of stone. Peresilis

Bishop Sheber

Bissell Gip

Black friars in this world, fried black in the next.

n. A man whose qualities

n. Unrhymed iambic pentameters—the most difficult kind of English verse to write acceptably; a kind

Blary O'Gary

n. A robber of grave-worms. One who supplies the young physicians with that with which the old physicians have supplied the undertaker. The hyena.

Bogul S. Purvy

n. A fool who

Booley Fito

Bootle P. Gish

n. A person who talks when you wish him to listen.


Borey the Bald

n. The science of vegetables—those that are not good to eat

adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker.

n. In political geography

n. The liberality of one who has much

n. He who created the Hindoos

n. An apparatus with which we think what we think. That which distinguishes the man who is content to be something from the man who wishes to do something. A man of great wealth

n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning

n. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.


but a combination of the stone wall
the political parasite and the moral instructor is no garden of sweets.

but Agammemnon's fame suffers no diminution in consequence. The monument custom has its reductiones ad absurdum in monuments "to the unknown dead"—that is to say
monuments to perpetuate the memory of those who have left no memory.

But as records of courts of justice are admissible
it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolent magicians once existed and were a scourge to mankind. The evidence (including confession) upon which certain women were convicted of witchcraft and executed was without a flaw; it is still unimpeachable. The judges' decisions based on it were sound in logic and in law. Nothing in any existing court was ever more thoroughly proved than the charges of witchcraft and sorcery for which so many suffered death. If there were no witches

But it has colored him!

But not, sir, a bigoted one.

But since thy stubborn heart will be

But the gift somewhere dropped out of the line of succession: the later sovereigns of England have not been tactual healers
and the disease once honored with the name "king's evil" now bears the humbler one of "scrofula

But, bedad, it's a fact which the word implies,

By these we swear he shall forsake

n. A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.

n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering. Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves

adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

n. A graduate of the School for Scandal.

n. A quadruped (the Splaypes humpidorsus) of great value to the show business. There are two kinds of camels—the camel proper and the camel improper. It is the latter that is always exhibited.

n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.

n. An instrument employed in the rectification of national boundaries.

n. The motley worn by Jesters of the Court of Heaven.

n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire

Captains of industry refused his hand

n. A mendicant friar of the order of Mount Carmel.

adj. Addicted to the cruelty of devouring the timorous vegetarian

adj. Relating to Descartes

n. A soft

n. A critic of our own work.

n. An isolated suburban spot where mourners match lies

n. One of a race of persons who lived before the division of labor had been carried to such a pitch of differentiation

n. The watch-dog of Hades

Champ, it is not right to leave that mule out there in the sun. He'll roast, sure!—he was smoking as I passed him.

Cheer up! Have you no aim in life?

Chief Deputy, the Master cried

n. The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth—two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

n. One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin.

Chronicles of the Classes

n. A place where horses

n. A person

n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments that are worse than a clarionet—two clarionets.

Clear out! he cried
disordered wench!

n. A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

n. One of the nine Muses. Clio's function was to preside over history—which she did with great dignity

n. A machine of great moral value to man

adj. Unduly desirous of keeping that which many meritorious persons wish to obtain.

Close-fisted Scotchman! Johnson cried

Cloudy; variable winds, with local showers; cooler; snow.

n. A man who piously shuts himself up to meditate upon the sin of wickedness; and to keep it fresh in his mind joins a brotherhood of awful examples.

Come to think, I don't either, said Joy; "but I see General Miles coming down the avenue
and that pageant always affects me in the same way as a brass band. One has to scrutinize one's impressions pretty closely

n. A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor's uneasiness.

n. The tribute that we pay to achievements that resembles

n. A kind of transaction in which A plunders from B the goods of C

n. An administrative entity operated by an incalculable multitude of political parasites

companion lodged at a wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive

n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have

n. The eloquence of power.

Concerning the nature of the soul, saith the renowned author of Diversiones Sanctorum
there hath been hardly more argument than that of its place in the body. Mine own belief is that the soul hath her seat in the abdomen—in which faith we may discern and interpret a truth hitherto unintelligible, namely that the glutton is of all men most devout. He is said in the Scripture to 'make a god of his belly' —why, then, should he not be pious, having ever his Deity with him to freshen his faith? Who so well as he can know the might and majesty that he shrines? Truly and soberly, the soul and the stomach are one Divine Entity; and such was the belief of Promasius, who nevertheless erred in denying it immortality. He had observed that its visible and material substance failed and decayed with the rest of the body after death, but of its immaterial essence he knew nothing. This is what we call the Appetite, and it survives the wreck and reek of mortality, to be rewarded or punished in another world, according to what it hath demanded in the flesh. The Appetite whose coarse clamoring was for the unwholesome viands of the general market and the public refectory shall be cast into eternal famine, whilst that which firmly though civilly insisted on ortolans, caviare, terrapin, anchovies, pates de foie gras and all such Christian comestibles shall flesh its spiritual tooth in the souls of them forever and ever, and wreak its divine thirst upon the immortal parts of the rarest and richest wines ever quaffed here below. Such is my religious faith, though I grieve to confess that neither His Holiness the Pope nor His Grace the Archbishop of Canterbury (whom I equally and profoundly revere) will assent to its dissemination.

Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.

v.i. To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.


n. The civility of envy.

n. A body of men who meet to repeal laws.

Conmore Apel Brune

n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.

n. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils

n. The knowledge that a better man is more unfortunate than yourself.

n. In American politics

v.i. To seek another's disapproval of a course already decided on.

n. The feeling of a prudent man for an enemy who is too formidable safely to be opposed.

n. A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannon-ball and the inconsiderate bayonet.

n. A place of retirement for woman who wish for leisure to meditate upon the vice of idleness.

n. A fair for the display of the minor mental commodities

n. The ceremony of investing a sovereign with the outward and visible signs of his divine right to be blown skyhigh with a dynamite bomb.

n. A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military ladder.

n. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

n. A politician of the seas.

n. The plaintiff.

n. One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.

n. A small crustacean very much resembling the lobster

n. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their desolating incursions.

n. A high-priced violin made in Connecticut.

n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.

n. An ancient religious symbol erroneously supposed to owe its significance to the most solemn event in the history of Christianity

CUI BONO? [Latin] What good would that do me?

n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: "The furrier gets the skins of more foxes than asses."

n. The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual love by a semisexless babe

n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

v.t. Energetically to belabor with a verbal slap-stick. This is an operation which in literature

n. A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are

v.i. To leap about to the sound of tittering music


n. One of the most conspicuous qualities of a man in security.

n. A high ecclesiastic official of the Roman Catholic Church

Daughter, the mimic priest replied

n. The time when men of reason go to bed. Certain old men prefer to rise at about that time

n. A period of twenty-four hours


n. One who has so earnestly pursued pleasure that he has had the misfortune to overtake it.

n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slave-driver.

n. A series of commandments

v.i. To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

Decks are no longer holystoned
but the cable still supplies the captain with opportunity to attest a pious respect for the divine ordinance.

v.t. To lie about another. To tell the truth about another.

adj. Unable to attack.

adj. Less conspicuously admirable than one's ancestors. The contemporaries of Homer were striking examples of degeneracy; it required ten of them to raise a rock or a riot that one of the heroes of the Trojan war could have raised with ease. Homer never tires of sneering at "men who live in these degenerate days

n. One of the stages of moral and social progress from private station to political preferment.

n. An extinct pachyderm that flourished when the Pterodactyl was in fashion. The latter was a native of Ireland

n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.

n. In American politics

n. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.

n. A notable first experiment in baptism which washed away the sins (and sinners) of the world.

n. The father of a most respectable family

n. A prestidigitator who

adj. Reliant upon another's generosity for the support which you are not in a position to exact from his fears.

n. A male relative of an office-holder

n. A tyrant's authority for crime and fool's excuse for failure.

n. A physician's forecast of the disease by the patient's pulse and purse.

n. A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

n. A daily record of that part of one's life

n. The chief of a nation that prefers the pestilence of despotism to the plague of anarchy.

n. A malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic. This dictionary

n. The singular of "dice." We seldom hear the word

n. The conversion of victuals into virtues. When the process is imperfect

n. The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

v.t. To present your neighbor with another and better error than the one which he has deemed it advantageous to embrace.

v.i. To note the particulars in which one person or thing is

n. A method of confirming others in their errors.

n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

v.t. To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command.

Disraeli once described the manner of Bishop Wilberforce as "unctuous

v.i. To put a clean shirt upon the character.

n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs

n. A disease incurred by exposure to the prosperity of a friend.

n. The art of nosing out the occult. Divination is of as many kinds as there are fruit-bearing varieties of the flowering dunce and the early fool.

Do you mean that? the doctor gravely asked.

Do you mean to say that's what you did this time?


n. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship. This Divine Being in some of his smaller and silkier incarnations takes

n. A soldier who combines dash and steadiness in so equal measure that he makes his advances on foot and his retreats on horseback.

n. One who adapts plays from the French.

n. Priests and ministers of an ancient Celtic religion which did not disdain to employ the humble allurement of human sacrifice. Very little is now known about the Druids and their faith. Pliny says their religion

Druids performed their religious rites in groves
and knew nothing of church mortgages and the season-ticket system of pew rents. They were

n. Your account at your restaurant during the canvas-back season.

Dudley Spink

n. A formal ceremony preliminary to the reconciliation of two enemies. Great skill is necessary to its satisfactory observance; if awkwardly performed the most unexpected and deplorable consequences sometimes ensue. A long time ago a man lost his life in a duel.

n. A member of the reigning dynasty in letters and life. The Dullards came in with Adam

Dumbo Omohundro

Durang Gophel Arn

n. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit

Eastward, said he
I now shall steer.

Eat arsenic? Yes, all you get,

v.i. Secretly to overhear a catalogue of the crimes and vices of another or yourself.

n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

Edam Smith

adj. Good to eat

n. A person who combines the judicial functions of Minos

n. That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.

n. The second of two phenomena which always occur together in the same order. The first

n. A person of low taste

n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.

n. The power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else. It is the same thing as lightning

n. A composition in verse


n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

n. An imaginary delightful country which the ancients foolishly believed to be inhabited by the spirits of the good. This ridiculous and mischievous fable was swept off the face of the earth by the early Christians—may their souls be happy in Heaven!

n. A bondman's change from the tyranny of another to the despotism of himself.

v.i. To cheat vegetation by locking up the gases upon which it feeds. By embalming their dead and thereby deranging the natural balance between animal and vegetable life

n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

n. A special (but not particular) kind of liar.

n. The position farthest removed on either hand from the Interlocutor.

pro. All there is in the world if you like it.

n. Any kind of amusement whose inroads stop short of death by injection.

n. A distemper of youth

n. The coffin of a document; the scabbard of a bill; the husk of a remittance; the bed-gown of a love-letter.

n. Emulation adapted to the meanest capacity.

n. An ornamented badge

n. An opponent of Epicurus

n. A short

n. An inscription on a tomb

n. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.

adj. Very particularly abstruse and consummately occult. The ancient philosophies were of two kinds

n. The science that treats of the various tribes of Man

n. A sacred feast of the religious sect of Theophagi.

Eugene Debs

n. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power

n. A bearer of good tidings

adj. Lasting forever. It is with no small diffidence that I venture to offer this brief and elementary definition

n. A thing which takes the liberty to differ from other things of its class

n. In morals


Excuse us—they are mostly out of fashion.

n. An officer of the Government

v.t. In religious affairs

n. One who serves his country by residing abroad


n. The wisdom that enables us to recognize as an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced.

n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.

n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

n. Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge

adj. Conspicuously miserable.

Farquharson Harris

n. A despot whom the wise ridicule and obey.

Father, she said
thine ear bend down—

n. A festival. A religious celebration usually signalized by gluttony and drunkenness

n. A person of greater enterprise than discretion

n. One of the opposing

n. A lie that has not cut its teeth. An habitual liar's nearest approach to truth: the perigee of his eccentric orbit.

n. The iterated satiety of an enterprising affection.

n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse's tail on the entrails of a cat.

n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.

n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.

First thoughts are best? That's not the moral;

n. A colored rag borne above troops and hoisted on forts and ships. It appears to serve the same purpose as certain signs that one sees on vacant lots in London—"Rubbish may be shot here."

n. The Second Person of the secular Trinity.

v. Suddenly to change one's opinions and go over to another party. The most notable flop on record was that of Saul of Tarsus

n. The prototype of punctuation. It is observed by Garvinus that the systems of punctuation in use by the various literary nations depended originally upon the social habits and general diet of the flies infesting the several countries. These creatures

Fogarty Weffing

n. That "gift and faculty divine" whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man's mind

n. A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity. He is omnific

For eight hours the broad brow of the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk was corrugated with evidences of deep thought: he was calculating the chances of war. Then
Sons of angels, he said

For mercy's sake! he said
taking it with sugar


Force is but might, the teacher said—

Force is not might but must!

n. The finger commonly used in pointing out two malefactors.

n. This looks like an easy word to define

n. A gift of God bestowed upon doctors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.

n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth. Formerly the knife was employed for this purpose

FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person—a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.

painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statues. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter chisels his patrons.

n. The tenure by which a religious corporation holds lands on condition of praying for the soul of the donor. In mediaeval times many of the wealthiest fraternities obtained their estates in this simple and cheap manner

n. A conqueror in a small way of business

n. Exemption from the stress of authority in a beggarly half dozen of restraint's infinite multitude of methods. A political condition that every nation supposes itself to enjoy in virtual monopoly. Liberty. The distinction between freedom and liberty is not accurately known; naturalists have never been able to find a living specimen of either.

n. An order with secret rites

Fresh every day must be my books and bread.

Friend of the court, so please you.

adj. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

n. A ship big enough to carry two in fair weather

n. A reptile with edible legs. The first mention of frogs in profane literature is in Homer's narrative of the war between them and the mice. Skeptical persons have doubted Homer's authorship of the work

n. One part of the penal apparatus employed in that punitive institution

n. A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker

n. That period of time in which our affairs prosper

n. A rain-spout projecting from the eaves of mediaeval buildings

n. An elastic band intended to keep a woman from coming out of her stockings and desolating the country.

Gat Huckle

n. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his own.

General H.H. Wotherspoon
president of the Army War College

General Wotherspoon did not deign to reply
but walked away.

General, said the commander of the delinquent brigade
I am persuaded that any further display of valor by my troops will bring them into collision with the enemy.

adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

adj. Refined

n. A chap who can tell you offhand the difference between the outside of the world and the inside.

n. The science of the earth's crust—to which

n. The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.

Giacomo Smith

Give me my clothes and I'll return, they rise

Give, give in Charity's name, I pray.

n. A person who escapes the evils of moderation by committing dyspepsia.

n. In North-European mythology

n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed

n. An animal of South Africa

Go fetch me a surgeon at once! cried he.

Go get one—fill it up with fat—

God keep you, stranger, I exclaimed. "You are

Golgo Brone

adj. Sensible

Good!—then I will undertake to cure you.

n. A bird that supplies quills for writing. These

Gopete Sherany


Gorton Swope

n. A physician's name for the rheumatism of a rich patient.

n. Three beautiful goddesses

n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man


n. An argument which the future is preparing in answer to the demands of American Socialism.

n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

n. The tendency of all bodies to approach one another with a strength proportion to the quantity of matter they contain— the quantity of matter they contain being ascertained by the strength of their tendency to approach one another. This is a lovely and edifying illustration of how science


Great playing by President Brown.

n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

n. An agency employed by civilized nations for the settlement of disputes which might become troublesome if left unadjusted. By most writers the invention of gunpowder is ascribed to the Chinese

Habeeb Suleiman

n. A shackle for the free.

n. The lower world; the residence of departed spirits; the place where the dead live.

n. An elderly lady whom you do not happen to like; sometimes called

Hail, holy Ass! the quiring angels sing;

Halcyon Jones

n. Properly

Han Soper

n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody's pocket.

n. An officer of the law charged with duties of the highest dignity and utmost gravity

Hannibal Hunsiker

n. An agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

n. A speech by an opponent

n. A place where ships taking shelter from stores are exposed to the fury of the customs.

Harley Shum

n. A sect of Protestants

Has it occurred to you to try

x. There is no definition for this word—nobody knows what hash is.

Hassan Brubuddy

n. A young axe

n. A sentiment appropriate to the occasion of another's superiority.

Having received an ultimatum from Austria
the Turkish Ministry met to consider it.

Having the quality of general expediency.

He cannot hear it blowing!

He seems to be enjoying himself, said the Admiral.

He was a conspirator. There had been a fire the night before: a stable just around the corner had burned and a number of horses had put on their immortality
among them a young colt

He's gone afar, he'll come no more,

n. A capitation tax

n. Death's baby-carriage.

n. An automatic


n. A benighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel. According to Professor Howison

n. A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of their personal affairs

n. A male Jew

n. A wife

n. A plant from whose fibrous bark is made an article of neckwear which is frequently put on after public speaking in the open air and prevents the wearer from taking cold.

Henry Haukhorn

Henry Ward Beecher

Here's one of an order of cooks, said she—

n. A person whose vices and follies are not sociable.

pron. His.

v.i. To pass the winter season in domestic seclusion. There have been many singular popular notions about the hibernation of various animals. Many believe that the bear hibernates during the whole winter and subsists by mechanically sucking its paws. It is admitted that it comes out of its retirement in the spring so lean that it had to try twice before it can cast a shadow. Three or four centuries ago

n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was itself a compound creature

His care, the gnat said
even the insects follows:

n. A broad-gauge gossip.

n. An account mostly false

Ho, ho! A beggar on horseback, they say,

Ho! cried the cynic
lead me to him straight—

n. A bird remarkable for the catholicity of its appetite and serving to illustrate that of ours. Among the Mahometans and Jews

n. The slaying of one human being by another. There are four kinds of homocide: felonious

n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs

n. The humorist of the medical profession.

n. A school of medicine midway between Allopathy and Christian Science. To the last both the others are distinctly inferior

adj. Afflicted with an impediment in one's reach. In legislative bodies it is customary to mention all members as honorable; as

n. Desire and expectation rolled into one.

n. The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

n. A peculiarly sharp and specially applied sense of the earth's overpopulation. Hostility is classified as active and passive; as (respectively) the feeling of a woman for her female friends

n. A comely female inhabiting the Mohammedan Paradise to make things cheery for the good Mussulman

n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man

adj. Having paid all taxes on household goods.

n. The fruit of a flower called the Palace.

How Providence provides for all His creatures!

How sad, his neighbors said
that he

n. The human race

n. A plague that would have softened down the hoar austerity of Pharaoh's heart and persuaded him to dismiss Israel with his best wishes

n. An atmospheric demonstration once very common but now generally abandoned for the tornado and cyclone. The hurricane is still in popular use in the West Indies and is preferred by certain old-fashioned sea-captains. It is also used in the construction of the upper decks of steamboats

n. The dispatch of bunglers.

n. One who

n. A pooled issue.

n. A kind of animal that the ancients catalogued under many heads.

n. A beast held in reverence by some oriental nations from its habit of frequenting at night the burial-places of the dead. But the medical student does that.

n. Depression of one's own spirits.

Hypochondriasis. It meant The Dumps.

n. One who

I am very sorry, sir, replied the critic

I beg your pardon, sir, he said;

I did great service to a man one day

I didn't know 'twas loaded.

I don't hear any band, said Schley.

I dote upon good grub, he cried

I get no time! "What's that you say?"

I had an ovation! the actor man said

I know a trick worth two o' that,

I mean to fall to earth, said he.

I swear it!

I think, said one
and my husband thinks

I was in the drawing-room, enjoying my dinner, said Brillat-Savarin
beginning an anecdote. "What!" interrupted Rochebriant; "eating dinner in a drawing-room?" "I must beg you to observe

I will not stay, she said
with a pout

I would be, dear, but it is not worth while.

I'll give, holy father, I'll give thee—a ride.

I'll judge you by your diary. Said Hearst:

I'm great, the Kangaroo said—"see

I'm great, the Lion said—"I reign

I'm great—no animal has half

n. A fluid that serves the gods and goddesses in place of blood.

n. A breaker of idols

n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling. The Idiot's activity is not confined to any special field of thought or action

n. A model farm where the devil experiments with seeds of new sins and promotes the growth of staple vices.

If death will do, the King said
let me reign;

If I were you and you were I

If I'd lived, said he
my humility

If less could have been done for him

If you'll impose upon each head

n. A person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself

Ignorance should be more humble.

n. A sect of Spanish heretics of the latter part of the sixteenth century; so called because they were light weights— cunctationes illuminati.

adj. Suitably placed for the shafts of malice

n. A warehouse of facts

n. A kind of divine inspiration

n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

adj. Having a strong sense of one's own merit

adj. Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong


v.t. In popular usage to pierce with any weapon which remains fixed in the wound. This

adj. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a controversy or adopting either of two conflicting opinions.

n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

n. Your irreverence toward my deity.

n. The act of blessing or consecrating by the laying on of hands—a ceremony common to many ecclesiastical systems

Impossible! I should be ashamed of atheism.

IMPOSTOR n. A rival aspirant to public honors.


n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.

n. Wealth.

In Boorioboola-Gha a man is presentable on occasions of ceremony if he have his abdomen painted a bright blue and wear a cow's tail; in New York he may
if it please him

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

In his great work on Divergent Lines of Racial Evolution
the learned Professor Brayfugle argues from the prevalence of this gesture —the shrug—among Frenchmen

In that case, monsieur, you should join the Protestants.

In the course of human events Mr. Clark went out
and there

In the lines following
addressed to an Emperor in exile by Father Gassalasca Jape

In the sky my soul is found,

n. The stomach

adj. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with

adv. In an unpromising manner

n. The natural and rational gauge and measure of respectability

n. In matrimony a similarity of tastes

adj. Unable to exist if something else exists. Two things are incompossible when the world of being has scope enough for one of them

n. One of a race of highly improper demons who

n. A person of the liveliest interest to the outcumbents.

n. The chief element of success; "for whereas

adj. Imperfectly sensible to distinctions among things.

Indifferent? he drawled with a slow smile;

n. A disease which the patient and his friends frequently mistake for deep religious conviction and concern for the salvation of mankind. As the simple Red Man of the western wild put it

n. The guilt of woman.

adj. Not calculated to advance one's interests.

n. The period of our lives when

n. [Latin] Among the Greeks and Romans

n. In New York

n. In politics

n. One who ventures to believe that Adam need not have sinned unless he had a mind to—in opposition to the Supralapsarians

n. One who receives a benefit from another

n. An offense next in degree of enormity to a slight.

n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

n. A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron

adj. Natural

n. Something written on another thing. Inscriptions are of many kinds


n. An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

n. An unsuccessful revolution. Disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad government.

n. The mind's sense of the prevalence of one set of influences over another set; an effect whose cause is the imminence

n. One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter's advantage for the other to have said.

n. The period during which a monarchical country is governed by a warm spot on the cushion of the throne. The experiment of letting the spot grow cold has commonly been attended by most unhappy results from the zeal of many worthy persons to make it warm again.

n. A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for their mutual destruction.

n. A social ceremony invented by the devil for the gratification of his servants and the plaguing of his enemies. The introduction attains its most malevolent development in this country

n. A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels

n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.

Israfel Brown

It has, the spokesman said: "we sold

It is longer.

It is related of Bismark
who had been awarded a medal for gallantly rescuing a drowning person

It is said that in his last illness the poet Arnegriff was attended at different times by seven doctors.

It is your duty, cried the crowd

It should be explained that Mrs. Silcox does not undertake to teach pronunciation of the Greek and Latin tongues. Leonine verses are so called in honor of a poet named Leo
whom prosodists appear to find a pleasure in believing to have been the first to discover that a rhyming couplet could be run into a single line.

It was so ordered.

It were no more than right, said he

It's O for a youth with a football bang

n. The patriotism of a Scotchman.

J. Milton Sloluck


J.P. Morgan

Jali Hane

Jamrach Holobom

Jamrach Holobom

Jamrach Holobom

Jamrach Holobom

Jared Macphester

Jared Oopf

Jarn Leffer

adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth keeping.

Jebel Jocordy

Jehal Dai Lupe

n. An officer formerly attached to a king's household

n. An unmusical instrument

Jex Wopley

Jodo Rem

Joel Buxter

Joel Frad Bink

Joel Huck

Joel Huck

Joel Spate Woop

Jogo Tyree

John Boop

John D. Rockefeller

John Lukkus

John William Yope

Jomater Abemy

Jonathan Fomry


Joram Tate

Jorrock Wormley

n. Small sticks burned by the Chinese in their pagan tomfoolery

Juan Smith






Jum Coople

Junker Barlow

Jupiter Muke

n. A commodity which is a more or less adulterated condition the State sells to the citizen as a reward for his allegiance



v.t. To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.

n. A brief preface to ten volumes of exaction.

n. A male person commonly known in America as a "crowned head

n. A malady that was formerly cured by the touch of the sovereign

Kings of finance denied him recognition

n. A word invented by the poets as a rhyme for "bliss." It is supposed to signify

n. A rich thief.


n. A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration

n. A part of the earth's surface

n. The music with which we charm the serpents guarding another's treasure.

n. A famous piece of antique scripture representing a priest of that name and his two sons in the folds of two enormous serpents. The skill and diligence with which the old man and lads support the serpents and keep them up to their work have been justly regarded as one of the noblest artistic illustrations of the mastery of human intelligence over brute inertia.

n. One of the most important organs of the female system—an admirable provision of nature for the repose of infancy

n. A shoemaker's implement

n. An interior convulsion

adj. Crowned with leaves of the laurel. In England the Poet Laureate is an officer of the sovereign's court

n. The laurus

Lavatar Shunk


adj. Compatible with the will of a judge having jurisdiction.

n. One skilled in circumvention of the law.

n. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

n. A heavy blue-gray metal much used in giving stability to light lovers—particularly to those who love not wisely but other men's wives. Lead is also of great service as a counterpoise to an argument of such weight that it turns the scale of debate the wrong way. An interesting fact in the chemistry of international controversy is that at the point of contact of two patriotisms lead is precipitated in great quantities.

n. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.

n. One with his hand in your pocket

n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

adj. Unlike a menagerie lion. Leonine verses are those in which a word in the middle of a line rhymes with a word at the end

Let him be brought before me, said the Mikado to an

n. An herb of the genus Lactuca

n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale

n. A pestilent fellow who

n. A lawyer with a roving commission.

n. One of Imagination's most precious possessions.

n. A useful functionary

n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed. The question

Life's not worth living, and that's the truth,

light than a horse.

n. A tall building on the seashore in which the government maintains a lamp and the friend of a politician.

n. The branch of a tree or the leg of an American woman.

n. "A kind of cloth the making of which

n. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.

n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.

n. A large red organ thoughtfully provided by nature to be bilious with. The sentiments and emotions which every literary anatomist now knows to haunt the heart were anciently believed to infest the liver; and even Gascoygne

LL.D. Letters indicating the degree Legumptionorum Doctor
one learned in laws

Lo! by the laying on of hands,

n. The distinguishing device of civilization and enlightenment.

n. A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity

n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human misunderstanding. The basic of logic is the syllogism

n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem—a kind of contest in which

n. The disposition to endure injury with meek forbearance while maturing a plan of revenge.

n. Uncommon extension of the fear of death.

n. A vitreous plane upon which to display a fleeting show for man's disillusion given.

n. A disorder which renders the sufferer unable to curb his tongue when you wish to talk.

n. In American society

Lord of Cranes and Cherry Blooms, replied the executioner

n. Learning—particularly that sort which is not derived from a regular course of instruction but comes of the reading of occult books

n. Privation of that which we had

n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder. This disease

adj. "Raised" instead of brought up.

n. One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.

n. An inhabitant of the moon

n. An ancient instrument of torture. The word is now used in a figurative sense to denote the poetic faculty

M.P. Nopput

n. The method employed by one's opponents in baffling one's open and honorable efforts to do the right thing.

n. One forgotten of the gods and living to a great age. History is abundantly supplied with examples

adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence; not conforming to standards of thought

n. An inhabitant of Magdala. Popularly

n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose

n. Something acted upon by magnetism.

n. Something acting upon a magnet.

adj. Having a grandeur or splendor superior to that to which the spectator is accustomed

n. Size. Magnitude being purely relative

n. A bird whose thievish disposition suggested to someone that it might be taught to talk.

n. A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution

n. The state and title of a king. Regarded with a just contempt by the Most Eminent Grand Masters

Major Premise: Sixty men can do a piece of work sixty times as quickly as one man.

n. A member of the unconsidered

n. The chief factor in the progress of the human race.

adj. Pertaining to Malthus and his doctrines. Malthus believed in artificially limiting population

n.pl. A family of vertebrate animals whose females in a state of nature suckle their young

n. The god of the world's leading religion. The chief temple is in the holy city of New York.

n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species

Man, I understand, is about to be created. He will need laws.

n. The immortal parts of dead Greeks and Romans. They were in a state of dull discomfort until the bodies from which they had exhaled were buried and burned; and they seem not to have been particularly happy afterward.

n. The ancient Persian doctrine of an incessant warfare between Good and Evil. When Good gave up the fight the Persians joined the victorious Opposition.

n. A food miraculously given to the Israelites in the wilderness. When it was no longer supplied to them they settled down and tilled the soil

Marley Wottel

n. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master

Martha Braymance

Martin Bulstrode

n. One who moves along the line of least reluctance to a desired death.

Mary Doke

adj. Having an actual existence

n. The final and funniest folly of the rich.

n. One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

pro. The objectionable case of I. The personal pronoun in English has three cases

n. To proceed sinuously and aimlessly. The word is the ancient name of a river about one hundred and fifty miles south of Troy

n. A small metal disk given as a reward for virtues

n. A stone flung down the Bowery to kill a dog in Broadway.

n. Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

n. (Literally

adj. Addicted to rhetoric.

n. One engaged in a commercial pursuit. A commercial pursuit is one in which the thing pursued is a dollar.

n. An attribute beloved of detected offenders.

n. Hypnotism before it wore good clothes

n. A stronghold of provincialism.

n. The period of a thousand years when the lid is to be screwed down

n. A mysterious form of matter secreted by the brain. Its chief activity consists in the endeavor to ascertain its own nature

adj. Belonging to me if I can hold or seize it.

n. An agent of a higher power with a lower responsibility. In diplomacy an officer sent into a foreign country as the visible embodiment of his sovereign's hostility. His principal qualification is a degree of plausible inveracity next below that of an ambassador.

adj. Less objectionable.

Minor Premise: One man can dig a posthole in sixty seconds; therefore—

adj. Formerly a poet

n. An act or event out of the order of nature and unaccountable

n. A person of the highest degree of unworth. Etymologically

n. An infraction of the law having less dignity than a felony and constituting no claim to admittance into the best criminal society.

n. A dagger which in mediaeval warfare was used by the foot soldier to remind an unhorsed knight that he was mortal.

n. The kind of fortune that never misses.

n. The title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss

n. The ultimate

n. The ultimate

n. A person engaged in reigning. Formerly the monarch ruled

n. Government.

n. In Christian countries

n. A blessing that is of no advantage to us excepting when we part with it. An evidence of culture and a passport to polite society. Supportable property.

n. An arboreal animal which makes itself at home in genealogical trees.

adj. Composed of words of one syllable

Monsieur Franqulin, inventor of electricity. This

n. A high ecclesiastical title

n. A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

adj. Conforming to a local and mutable standard of right.

adj. The comparative degree of too much.

More dear than all my bosom knows, O thou

Moses Mendlessohn having fallen ill sent for a Christian physician
who at once diagnosed the philosopher's disorder as trichinosis

n. An animal which strews its path with fainting women. As in Rome Christians were thrown to the lions

n. A long glove covering a part of the arm. Worn in New Jersey. But "mousquetaire" is a might poor way to spell muskeeter.

n. In man

Mowbray Myles

Mr. Pollard, said he
my book, The Biography of a Dead Cow, is published anonymously, but you can hardly be ignorant of its authorship. Yet in reviewing it you speak of it as the work of the Idiot of the Century. Do you think that fair criticism?

Mr. W.C. Morrow
who used to live in San Jose

n. In politics one afflicted with self-respect and addicted to the vice of independence. A term of contempt.

n. A child of two races

n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic

Mumfrey Mappel

n. An ancient Egyptian


n. An indocile horse of the western plains. In English society

My accountability, bear in mind,

My deadliest drug shall bear my patron's name!

My dear fellow, the journalist replied with a drear autumnal cadence in his speech
like the moan of a leaf-laden wind

My friend, you've wandered from your proper track:

My son, forecasting the event

My son, said the priest
this is what we fear.

n. A follower of Achilles—particularly when he didn't lead.

n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin

Name it.

Naramy Oof

Naught, for a season, shall your comfort mar,

Nay, this child makes no bet. "Great snakes!

n. The piece de resistance in the American political problem. Representing him by the letter n

n. One whom we are commanded to love as ourselves

n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

adj. Pertaining to a philosophy of the universe invented by Newton

n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi.

n. In the Buddhist religion

No cotton have we

No matter, Satan cried; "with speed

No, replied the petitioner
I wish you to create something that would justify them.

n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbing and deadcatting of the opposition.

n. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

n. A dead Quaker.

n. The objections that are urged against this excellent dictionary.

n. The extreme outpost of the face. From the circumstance that great conquerors have great noses

Not so—'twas Free will, the other maintained

n. The fame of one's competitor for public honors. The kind of renown most accessible and acceptable to mediocrity. A Jacob's-ladder leading to the vaudeville stage

n. That which exists

n. A short story padded. A species of composition bearing the same relation to literature that the panorama bears to art. As it is too long to be read at a sitting the impressions made by its successive parts are successively effaced

n. The eleventh twelfth of a weariness.

Now lay your bet with mine, nor let

Now righteousness consisteth not merely in a holy state of

Now, broiling is an ancient plan

Now, by these sacred relics—here

Now, why is yer wife called a helpmate, Pat?

O bury the hatchet, irascible Red,

O cruel cook, pray grant me some relief—

O King of Men, the spokesman said

O no—not at all; I'm a liar myself.

O servant of the Prophet, said the Sheik of the Imperial Chibouk to the Mamoosh of the Invincible Army
how many unconquerable soldiers have we in arms?

O, he's all right, said Clark
lightly; "he's an inveterate smoker."

n. The state or condition in which the wicked cease from struggling and the dreary are at rest. Fame's eternal dumping ground. Cold storage for high hopes. A place where ambitious authors meet their works without pride and their betters without envy. A dormitory without an alarm clock.

n. A place where astronomers conjecture away the guesses of their predecessors.

p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit

adj. No longer used by the timid. Said chiefly of words. A word which some lexicographer has marked obsolete is ever thereafter an object of dread and loathing to the fool writer

adj. Inaccessible to the truth as it is manifest in the splendor and stress of our advocacy.

adj. Afflicting us with greater or less frequency. That

n. The part of the world lying west (or east) of the Orient. It is largely inhabited by Christians

n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man—who has no gills.

Offenbach Stutz

adj. Generating disagreeable emotions or sensations

Oglum P. Boomp

adj. In that stage of usefulness which is not inconsistent with general inefficiency

Old books? The devil take them! Goby said.

adj. Oily

Oliver Cromwell

adj. Relating to a mountain in Thessaly

n. A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

adv. Enough.

One evening Mr. Rudolph Block
of New York

One night, a doctor said
last fall,

One of the greatest of poets
Coleridge was one of the wisest of men

Oogum Bem

n. A play representing life in another world

n. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.

Opoline Jones

n. A favorable occasion for grasping a disappointment.

v. To assist with obstructions and objections.

n. In politics the party that prevents the Government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

n. The doctrine

n. A proponent of the doctrine that black is white.

n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

Orm Pludge

n. A living person whom death has deprived of the power of filial ingratitude—a privation appealing with a particular eloquence to all that is sympathetic in human nature. When young the orphan is commonly sent to an asylum

Orpheus Bowen

Orpheus Bowen

Orrin Goof

n. An ox wearing the popular religious yoke.

n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear. Advocated with more heat than light by the outmates of every asylum for the insane. They have had to concede a few things since the time of Chaucer

n. A large bird to which (for its sins

adv. No better.

n. That part of one's environment upon which no government has been able to collect taxes. Chiefly useful to inspire poets.

n. A particular type of disappointment. By the kind of intelligence that sees in an exception a proof of the rule the wisdom of an act is judged by the outcome

v.t. To make an enemy.

n. In ancient Rome

v. To dine.

n. A dangerous disorder affecting high public functionaries who want to go fishing.

v. To have (and to hold) a debt. The word formerly signified not indebtedness

n. A slimy

n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

n. A fine and costly residence

n. A species of tree having several varieties

n. The 947th method (according to Mimbleshaw's classification) of obtaining money by false pretences. It consists in "reading character" in the wrinkles made by closing the hand. The pretence is not altogether false; character can really be read very accurately in this way

n. Literally

n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called "trousers" by the enlightened and "pants" by the unworthy.

n. The doctrine that everything is God

n. A play in which the story is told without violence to the language. The least disagreeable form of dramatic action.

v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.

Pardon me, please, said Barry
moving after him; "I was joking of course. Why

Pardon, monseigneur, replied Rochebriant; "I am ashamed of it."

Pardon; what I have to ask is that he be permitted to make them himself.

n. A document treacherously inflicted upon a citizen going abroad

n. That part of Eternity with some small fraction of which we have a slight and regrettable acquaintance. A moving line called the Present parts it from an imaginary period known as the Future. These two grand divisions of Eternity

n. A device for promoting dejection. Gentle exercise for intellectual debility.

n. A minor form of despair

n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

n. In international affairs

n. The variable (an audible) part of the roadway for an automobile.

n. The known part of the route from an arboreal ancestor with a swim bladder to an urban descendant with a cigarette.

adj. Undergoing or awaiting punishment.

Percy P. Orminder

n. An imaginary state of quality distinguished from the actual by an element known as excellence; an attribute of the critic.

adj. Walking about. Relating to the philosophy of Aristotle

n. The explosion of an oratorical rocket. It dazzles

n. A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

Persevere, persevere! cry the homilists all

n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

Phela Orm

n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

Philippe of Orleans wishing to appoint one of his favorites
a dissolute nobleman

n. One whose mind is the creature of its environment

n. A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.

n. The classical prototype of the modern "small hot bird."

n. An irritating toy that restores life to dead noises.

n. A picture painted by the sun without instruction in art. It is a little better than the work of an Apache

n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.

n. The art of determining the character of another by the resemblances and differences between his face and our own

n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience.

n. The young of the Procyanthropos

n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.

n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion.

n. Reverence for the Supreme Being

n. An animal (Porcus omnivorus) closely allied to the human race by the splendor and vivacity of its appetite

n. One of a tribe of very small men found by ancient travelers in many parts of the world

n. A traveler that is taken seriously. A Pilgrim Father was one who

n. A mechanical device for inflicting personal distinction —prototype of the modern newspaper conducted by persons of austere virtues and blameless lives.

n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles

adj. The state of an enemy or opponent after an imaginary encounter with oneself.

n. A failing sense of exemption

n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

v. To take the thought or style of another writer whom one has never

n. In ancient times a general punishment of the innocent for admonition of their ruler

v.t. To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.

n. The fundamental element and special glory of popular literature. A thought that snores in words that smoke. The wisdom of a million fools in the diction of a dullard. A fossil sentiment in artificial rock. A moral without the fable. All that is mortal of a departed truth. A demi-tasse of milk-and-mortality. The Pope's-nose of a featherless peacock. A jelly-fish withering on the shore of the sea of thought. The cackle surviving the egg. A desiccated epigram.

adj. Pertaining to the philosophy of Socrates. Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

n. Coins with which the populace pays those who tickle and devour it.

v. To lay the foundation for a superstructure of imposition.

Please with the speech
the king commanded that the mirror be conveyed to the courtier's palace; but after

n. The least hateful form of dejection.

n. An ancient Roman who in the blood of his country stained nothing but his hands. Distinguished from the Patrician

n. A popular vote to ascertain the will of the sovereign.

adj. Having full power. A Minister Plenipotentiary is a diplomatist possessing absolute authority on condition that he never exert it.

n. An army of words escorting a corporal of thought.

n. An implement that cries aloud for hands accustomed to the pen.

v. To take the property of another without observing the decent and customary reticences of theft. To effect a change of ownership with the candid concomitance of a brass band. To wrest the wealth of A from B and leave C lamenting a vanished opportunity.

Pobeter Dunko

n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive

n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

n. A game said to be played with cards for some purpose to this lexicographer unknown.

n. An armed force for protection and participation.

n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.

Politian Greame

n. An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman

n. A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

Pollo Doncas

Polydore Smith

Polydore Smith

Polydore Smith

n. A house of atonement

n. A fossil patriot of the early agricultural period

Porfer Poog

Pork? shrieked the patient—"pork? Nothing shall induce me to touch it!"

adj. Exposed to a mutable ownership through vicissitudes of possession.

n.pl. A species of geese indigenous to Portugal. They are mostly without feathers and imperfectly edible

adj. Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

n. A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte

n. An appellate court which reverses the judgment of a popular author's contemporaries

n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed

n. A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. The number of plans for its abolition equals that of the reformers who suffer from it

v. To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled in behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

n. One of an experimental and apparently unsatisfactory race of antedated Creation and lived under conditions not easily conceived. Melsius believed them to have inhabited "the Void" and to have been something intermediate between fishes and birds. Little its known of them beyond the fact that they supplied Cain with a wife and theologians with a controversy.

n. An unnoted factor in creation.

n. In Law

adj. Anteprandial.

n. The doctrine that all things occur according to programme. This doctrine should not be confused with that of foreordination

n. The wage of consistency.

n. The preparatory stage of disillusion.

n. A sentiment

adj. Belonging to an early period and a museum. Antedating the art and practice of perpetuating falsehood.

n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

n. A church officer having a superior degree of holiness and a fat preferment. One of Heaven's aristocracy. A gentleman of God.

n. A sovereign's right to do wrong.

n. One who holds the conviction that the government authorities of the Church should be called presbyters.

n. A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.

adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place.

v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese

n. The greased pig in the field game of American politics.

n. The leading figure in a small group of men of whom— and of whom only—it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.

n. A liar in the caterpillar state.

n. Value

Priest of Unreason, and of Discords King!

n. The head of a church

n. A place of punishments and rewards. The poet assures us that—

n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

n. The rudimentary organ of an elephant which serves him in place of the knife-and-fork that Evolution has as yet denied him. For purposes of humor it is popularly called a trunk.

n. The final arbiter in international disputes. Formerly these disputes were settled by physical contact of the disputants

n. Evidence having a shade more of plausibility than of unlikelihood. The testimony of two credible witnesses as opposed to that of only one.

n. A malefactor who atones for making your writing nonsense by permitting the compositor to make it unintelligible.

n. Any material thing

n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.

n. An outlook

adj. Unexpectedly and conspicuously beneficial to the person so describing it.

n. A bawd hiding behind the back of her demeanor.

n. In literary affairs

Purzil Crofe

n. One of the two things mainly conducive to success

n. An ancient philosophy

n. An implement of torture yielded by a goose and commonly wielded by an ass. This use of the quill is now obsolete

Quincy Giles

n. A portable sheath in which the ancient statesman and the aboriginal lawyer carried their lighter arguments.

adj. Absurdly chivalric

n. A sufficient number of members of a deliberative body to have their own way and their own way of having it. In the United States Senate a quorum consists of the chairman of the Committee on Finance and a messenger from the White House; in the House of Representatives

n. The act of repeating erroneously the words of another. The words erroneously repeated.

n. A number showing how many times a sum of money belonging to one person is contained in the pocket of another—usually about as many times as it can be got there.

R.I.P. A careless abbreviation of requiescat in pace
attesting an indolent goodwill to the dead. According to the learned Dr. Drigge


n. An argumentative implement formerly much used in persuading devotees of a false faith to embrace the living truth. As a call to the unconverted the rack never had any particular efficacy

n. The conservatism of to-morrow injected into the affairs of to-day.

n. A mineral that gives off heat and stimulates the organ that a scientist is a fool with.

n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist

adj. Pertaining to a certain order of architecture

n. Relative elevation in the scale of human worth.

n. The purchase of that which neither belongs to the seller

n. Providence without industry. The thrift of power.

n. A Welsh rabbit

n. A fool considered under another aspect.

n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

adj. Insensible to the value of our advice.

adj. Devoid of all delusions save those of observation

n. Our prostrate brother

n. An instrument used by the Caucasian to enhance his beauty

n. The radius of action of the human hand. The area within which it is possible (and customary) to gratify directly the propensity to provide.

n. The general body of what one reads. In our country it consists

n. The art of depicting nature as it is seen by toads. The charm suffusing a landscape painted by a mole

n. The dream of a mad philosopher. That which would remain in the cupel if one should assay a phantom. The nucleus of a vacuum.

adv. Apparently.

n. In American military matters

Rear-Admiral Schley and Representative Charles F. Joy were standing near the Peace Monument
in Washington

v.i. To weigh probabilities in the scales of desire.

n. Propensitate of prejudice.

adj. Accessible to the infection of our own opinions. Hospitable to persuasion

n. A proponent of a new misrule who has failed to establish it.

v. To recall with additions something not previously known.

n. A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

v. To seek a justification for a decision already made.

n. In American politics

n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

n. A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.

n. In the Church of England

n. A North American Indian

n. Deliverance of sinners from the penalty of their sin

n. Reparation without satisfaction.

adj. Superfluous; needless; de trop.

n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.

n. An action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.

v. A thing that mostly satisfies reformers opposed to reformation.

n. Anything assuring protection to one in peril. Moses and Joshua provided six cities of refuge—Bezer

n. Denial of something desired; as an elderly maiden's hand in marriage

n. A daughter of Hope and Fear

n. A receptacle for such sacred objects as pieces of the true cross

Remember how on earth I pardoned all

Remember the fable of tortoise and hare—

n. A degree of distinction between notoriety and fame—a little more supportable than the one and a little more intolerable than the other. Sometimes it is conferred by an unfriendly and inconsiderate hand.

n. Satisfaction that is made for a wrong and deducted from the satisfaction felt in committing it.

n. Prudent insult in retort. Practiced by gentlemen with a constitutional aversion to violence

n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

n. A reproduction of a work of art

n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

v.i. To cease from troubling.

n. In national politics

n. In theology

n. A nation in which

n. A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the winds sing o'er the graves of their favorites. Sometimes

adj. Unable to leave.

v.t. To renounce an honor for an advantage. To renounce an advantage for a greater advantage.

adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

Resolved, they said

n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

n. An apparatus fitted over the nose and mouth of an inhabitant of London

n. A suspension of hostilities against a sentenced assassin

adj. Like a simple American citizen beduking himself in his lodge

v.i. To make answer

n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God

n. The founding or endowing of universities and public libraries by gift or bequest.

n. Benefactor; philanthropist.

n. The natural rock upon which is reared the Temple of Law.

n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.

Rev. Dr. Mucker

n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more

n. A famous book in which St. John the Divine concealed all that he knew. The revealing is done by the commentators

n. The spiritual attitude of a man to a god and a dog to a man.


n. In politics

n. One who uses a divining-rod in prospecting for precious metals in the pocket of a fool.

n. Censorious language by another concerning oneself.

n. Censorious language by oneself concerning another. The word is of classical refinement

n. A mystic beverage secretly used by our most popular novelists and poets to regulate the imagination and narcotize the conscience. It is said to be rich in both obtundite and lethargine

adj. Holding in trust and subject to an accounting the property of the indolent

Richard Gwow

Richard Haymon, of Heaven. Fell to Earth Jan. 20, 1807, and had


n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them. It may be graphic

n. Legitimate authority to be

n. A sturdy virtue that was once found among the Pantidoodles inhabiting the lower part of the peninsula of Oque. Some feeble attempts were made by returned missionaries to introduce it into several European countries

n. Agreeing sounds in the terminals of verse

n. A poet regarded with indifference or disesteem.

n. A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

n. A religious or semi-religious ceremony fixed by law

n. A Dutch Garden of God where He may walk in rectilinear freedom

Ro Amil

Ro Amil

n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

n. A candid man of affairs.

Romach Pute

n. Fiction that owes no allegiance to the God of Things as They Are. In the novel the writer's thought is tethered to probability

n. An obsolescent appliance for reminding assassins that they too are mortal. It is put about the neck and remains in place one's whole life long. It has been largely superseded by a more complex electrical device worn upon another part of the person; and this is rapidly giving place to an apparatus known as the preachment.

n. In Latin

n. A member of the Parliamentarian party in the English civil war—so called from his habit of wearing his hair short

n. Worthless matter

v. To destroy. Specifically

n. Generically

n. A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

n. A person with a Caucasian body and a Mongolian soul. A Tartar Emetic.

S.V. Hanipur

n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the Neo-Dictionarians.

n. A solemn religious ceremony to which several degrees of authority and significance are attached. Rome has seven sacraments

adj. Dedicated to some religious purpose; having a divine character; inspiring solemn thoughts or emotions; as

Sacred to the memory of Jeremiah Tree. Cut down May 9th, 1862,

n. A mechanical device acting automatically to prevent the fall of an elevator

n. A dead sinner revised and edited.

n. A certain literary quality frequently observed in popular novels

n. Originally a reptile inhabiting fire; later

Salder Bupp

n. A vertebrate mammal holding the political views of Denis Kearney

n. Among the Greeks a coffin which being made of a certain kind of carnivorous stone

n. One of the Creator's lamentable mistakes

n. The feeling that one has for the plate after he has eaten its contents

n. An obsolete kind of literary composition in which the vices and follies of the author's enemies were expounded with imperfect tenderness. In this country satire never had more than a sickly and uncertain existence

n. One of the few characters of the Grecian mythology accorded recognition in the Hebrew. (Leviticus

n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. A people with no sauces has one thousand vices; a people with one sauce has only nine hundred and ninety-nine. For every sauce invented and accepted a vice is renounced and forgiven.

n. A trite popular saying

n. The sacred beetle of the ancient Egyptians

n. The same as scarabaeus.

n. A form of penance practised by the mediaeval pious. The rite was performed

n. A king's staff of office

n. A curved sword of exceeding keenness

Scopas Brune

n. A book that is commonly edited by a fool. Many persons of some small distinction compile scrap-books containing whatever they happen to read about themselves or employ others to collect. One of these egotists was addressed in the lines following

n. A professional writer whose views are antagonistic to one's own.

n. The sacred books of our holy religion

n. A mark impressed upon certain kinds of documents to attest their authenticity and authority. Sometimes it is stamped upon wax

Secretary Wilson became interested in gunpowder through an event that occurred on the Government experimental farm in the District of Columbia. One day
several years ago

See me—I'm ready to divide

See, cries the chorus of admiring preachers

n. A kind of net for effecting an involuntary change of environment. For fish it is made strong and coarse

n. An erroneous appraisement.

adj. Evident to one's self and to nobody else.

adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Sempen Railey

n. A body of elderly gentlemen charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

n. A literary work

Seventeen hundred impossible dragons! shouted the enraged

Several kinds of spike-tailed brass lions! he cried; "I am a

n. Separateness

n. In America the chief executive officer of a county

Shocked by the horrid act, we made

Sigismund Smith

Sir James Merivale

n. One of several musical prodigies famous for a vain attempt to dissuade Odysseus from a life on the ocean wave. Figuratively

n. The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear

n. A fragment

So I am, so I am, said the scapegrace caught—

So the Minister had the bodies of his Majesty's Opposition embalmed and stuffed with straw
put back into the seats of power and nailed there. Forty votes were recorded against every bill and the nation prospered. But one day a bill imposing a tax on warts was defeated—the members of the Government party had not been nailed to their seats! This so enraged the King that the Prime Minister was put to death

Some Bavarian peasants having caught a wolf one evening
tied it to a post by the tail and went to bed. The next morning nothing was there! Greatly perplexed

some purposes is still unsettled
but experiment has already proved

Son of a thousand illustrious deities, answered the

n. The controversial method of an opponent

n. The ancient prototype and forerunner of political influence. It was

n. A spiritual entity concerning which there hath been brave disputation. Plato held that those souls which in a previous state of existence (antedating Athens) had obtained the clearest glimpses of eternal truth entered into the bodies of persons who became philosophers. Plato himself was a philosopher. The souls that had least contemplated divine truth animated the bodies of usurpers and despots. Dionysius I

Splendor of the universe, replied the Prime Minister
it is true these dogs of darkness have no longer their credentials, but all is not lost. Leave the matter to this worm of the dust.

n. A writer whose imagination concerns itself with supernatural phenomena

Spoon, old man, when leaving you last evening I forgot to ask you about those excellent cigars. Where did you get them?

Squatol Johnes

Stone walls do not a prison make,

n. A narrative

Stromboli Smith

Stumpo Gaker

n. The one unpardonable sin against one's fellows. In literature

n. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to be both a privilege and a duty) means

Sukker Uffro

Sukker Uffro


n. One who approaches Greatness on his belly so that he may not be commanded to turn and be kicked. He is sometimes an editor.

n. A logical formula consisting of a major and a minor assumption and an inconsequent. (See LOGIC.)

n. An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke

n. Something that is supposed to typify or stand for something else. Many symbols are mere "survivals"—things which having no longer any utility continue to exist because we have inherited the tendency to make them; as funereal urns carved on memorial monuments. They were once real urns holding the ashes of the dead. We cannot stop making them

adj. Pertaining to symbols and the use and interpretation of symbols.

n. A caterer's thrifty concession to the universal passion for irresponsibility.

n. The part of an animal's spine that has transcended its natural limitations to set up an independent existence in a world of its own. Excepting in its foetal state

v.t. To acquire

v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation

n. A scale of taxes on imports

n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head

n. Ennui

n. One who abstains from strong drink

n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear

n. A certain quality of the human hand in its relation to the coin of the realm. It attains its highest development in the hand of authority and is considered a serviceable equipment for a career in politics. The following illustrative lines were written of a Californian gentleman in high political preferment

Thank you; 'twill show you I am Saint the First—

That Badman John must cease this thing

That definition's just.

That I should get my fuel free.

that it will propel a street car better than a gas jet and give more

That pipe's a lovely white, they say

That sin, indeed, is awful:

That's true of yer Riverence [sic], Patrick replies

That's what I very gladly would have done,

The Biographical Alphabet

The cabbage is so called from Cabagius
a prince who on ascending the throne issued a decree appointing a High Council of Empire consisting of the members of his predecessor's Ministry and the cabbages in the royal garden. When any of his Majesty's measures of state policy miscarried conspicuously it was gravely announced that several members of the High Council had been beheaded

The clay that rests beneath this stone

The Devil on Earth (London

The Duchess of Orleans relates that the irreverent old calumniator
Marshal Villeroi

the dust brushed off him Oct. 3

The editor of an English magazine having received a letter pointing out the erroneous nature of his views and style
and signed "Perfection

The Hebrews are heathens! says Howison. He's

The illustrious statesman
Champ Clark

The King of Manchuria had a magic looking-glass
whereon whoso looked saw

The late James F. Bowman was writing a serial tale for a weekly paper in collaboration with a genius whose name has not come down to us. They wrote
not jointly but alternately

The Mad Philosopher

The Mad Philosopher, 1697

The man was in such deep distress,

The music was very uncommonly grand—

The neighbor took a lemonade
but shook his head and repeated that it was not right.

The popular type and exponent of obstinacy is the mule
a most intelligent animal.

The reason, Sire, that you would thrive,

The Sturdy Beggar

The superstition that maladies can be cured by royal taction is dead
but like many a departed conviction it has left a monument of custom to keep its memory green. The practice of forming a line and shaking the President's hand had no other origin

The two definitions immediately foregoing are condensed from the works of one thousand eminent scientists
who have illuminated the subject with a great white light

The Unauthorized Version

The world is all created, said God
but you have overlooked something—the mortality of the optimist.

Then why do you not become an atheist?

Theodore Roosevelt

n. An ancient faith having all the certitude of religion and all the mystery of science. The modern Theosophist holds

There is no art, says Shakespeare
foolish man

There is nothing, assented Joy

There is one insuperable obstacle to a belief in ghosts. A ghost never comes naked: he appears either in a winding-sheet or "in his habit as he lived." To believe in him

there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues." Saying nothing more

This boot, I'm sure, is too high to endure,

This is the end, the sick man said

This may be called the syllogism arithmetical
in which

Thomas M. and Mary Frazer

Thompson Johnson

Thou bastard son of a three-legged hunchback without thumbs!

thousand have already been slain
and the question is still unsettled.

n. An habiliment of the stage designed to reinforce the general acclamation of the press agent with a particular publicity. Public attention was once somewhat diverted from this garment to Miss Lillian Russell's refusal to wear it

Tinley Roquot

To hear my character lied about!


To read the mind's construction in the face.

To the gallant Ninety-eight Hundred and Thirty-seventh—I

To these excellent definitions the inspired lexicographer feels that he can add nothing of value.

to what it was that they ate. In this controversy some five hundred

To what regiment of executioners does the black-boweled

To-day the books are to be tried

n. The House of Indifference. Tombs are now by common consent invested with a certain sanctity

Too true, I said; "alas
too true—

v. To tipple

n. A creature thoughtfully created to supply occasion for the following lines by the illustrious Ambat Delaso:

Trauvells in ye Easte

n. A tall vegetable intended by nature to serve as a penal apparatus

n. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges

n. The pig's reply to proponents of porcophagy.

n. In the multiplex theism of certain Christian churches

n. Specifically

n. Friendship.

n. In American politics

n. An ingenious compound of desirability and appearance. Discovery of truth is the sole purpose of philosophy

adj. Dumb and illiterate.

n. A large bird whose flesh when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude. Incidentally

adv. Once too often.

n. Pestilent bits of metal suspected of destroying civilization and enlightenment

n. An African insect (Glossina morsitans) whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia

n. A gift of the gods to certain women

n. In diplomacy

adj. Wicked

Uncle of the Full Moon, was the reply
deign to know that they are as the waves of the ocean, the sands of the desert and the stars of Heaven!

n. A cerebral secretion that enables one having it to know a house from a horse by the roof on the house. Its nature and laws have been exhaustively expounded by Locke

Unhappy soul! for that alone you squirm

n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

n. One who forgoes the advantage of a Hell for persons of another faith.

Upholder of the Faith, that dignitary replied after examining his memoranda
they are in numbers as the leaves of the forest!

n. The kind of civility that urban observers ascribe to dwellers in all cities but New York. Its commonest expression is heard in the words

n. The First Person of the literary Trinity

n. A perverted affection that has strayed to one's own wife.

n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

Venable Strigg

Victor Hugo relates that in the Channel Islands Satan himself— tempted more than elsewhere by the beauty of the women
doubtless— sometimes plays at incubus

n.pl. Certain abstentions.

n. Satire

n. The instrument and symbol of a freeman's power to make a fool of himself and a wreck of his country.

W.J. Candleton

n. A symbol of sin for every devil to rebuke. That Wall Street is a den of thieves is a belief that serves every unsuccessful thief in place of a hope in Heaven. Even the great and good Andrew Carnegie has made his profession of faith in the matter.

was encouraged to continue. "That
he said, is the story."

n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.

We consecrate your cash and lands

We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are

We'll tie his red right hand until

n.pl. Certain primal powers of Tyrant Woman wherewith she holds dominion over the male of her species

n. A ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one

Well, I wouldn't tremble badly,

Well, mister, wot is that to you?—

Were the enemy's tactics offensive? the king asked. "I should say so!" replied the unsuccessful general. "The blackguard wouldn't come out of his works!"

n. A wolf that was once

n. In the Ojibwa tongue

What do you want? the Lord asked
bending down.

What is your religion my son? inquired the Archbishop of Rheims.

What shall we do now? the King asked. "Liberal institutions cannot be maintained without a party of Opposition."

What, wretch! you his appointed adversary, charged from the dawn of eternity with hatred of his soul—you ask for the right to make his laws?

What! I a Christian? No, indeed! I'm Christ.

What! what! cried one
are you not amazed

n. A cereal from which a tolerably good whisky can with some difficulty be made

When Zeno was told that one of his enemies was no more he was observed to be deeply moved. "What!" said one of his disciples
you weep at the death of an enemy? "Ah

Which led him to choose what the Lord had ordained.

While the Admiral was digesting this hasty meal of philosophy General Miles passed in review
a spectacle of impressive dignity. When the tail of the seeming procession had passed and the two observers had recovered from the transient blindness caused by its effulgence—

While waiting for the moon to sink

adj. and n. Black.

Why have you halted? roared the commander of a division and Chickamauga
who had ordered a charge; "move forward

Why, Owen, said one
what brings you here on such a night as this? You told me that this is one of Vasquez' favorite haunts! And you are a believer. Aren't you afraid to be out?

n. A pathetic figure that the Christian world has agreed to take humorously

n. Fermented grape-juice known to the Women's Christian Union as "liquor

n. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.

n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman

n. A sharp and clever remark


Worgum Slupsky

n. The finished product of which we are the raw material. The contents of the Taj Mahal

n. Homo Creator's testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection

n. Anger of a superior quality and degree

Xamba Q. Dar

Ye tree is not nowe in fruite, but in his seasonne you shall

n. A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

Yes, General; but for Heaven's sake don't reprimand me: I disobeyed the coin.

Yes, interposed Clark
that animal has the best nose in Missouri. But if he doesn't mind, you shouldn't.

Yes, sir, answered the victorious subordinate
it is a great thing to know exactly what to do in an emergency. When in doubt whether to attack or retreat I never hesitate a moment—I toss up a copper.

n. The infancy of youth

Yet, for I pity your uneasy state,

n. An implement

You confounded remote ancestor! thundered the great strategist
what do you mean by being out of bed after naps?—and with my coat on!

You have, sir, all the time there is.

You sue in forma pauperis, I see, Eve cried;

You tiresome man! cried Indolentio's wife

You're in your table d'hotage.

You've grown indifferent to all in life.

Your ballot true to cast

Your position's so surprisin'

Your prompt decision to attack, said General Grant on a certain occasion to General Gordon Granger
was admirable; you had but five minutes to make up your mind in.

Your state is desperate, no question;

Your status?—devil seize you!

n. The Period of Possibility

n. An inhabitant of the Sultanate of Zanzibar

n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth before a sprawl.

n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A man in bed or a cabbage in the pot is not considered as having a zenith

n. The chief of Grecian gods

v.t. To move forward uncertainly

n. The science and history of the animal kingdom




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